vain-aholic

Outmaneuvered

2011-04-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

Grades..... when will you ever get betteeeerr? :'(

Studying at DLSU (and taking up business loaded with quantitative analysis) was by far the biggest mistake I made in my life. I'm hoping I would see this as an opportunity in the end. God, give me the strength to hold and risk just one more year.

Finding friends and Butterfinger moments

2011-03-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this blog is in need of love.

The mishap brigade intruded my life just recently and I was down the dumps for a fraction of a moment. When you flip to that page of your life's story and the time is indefinite, drop down on your knees, and get lost in prayer. It's not in my nature to sulk really. It's only now that I have realized that when your boyfriend is your best friend, you tell him everything. Yes I do tell him everything starting from weirdest tickle spots, out-of this-world pet peeves, antagonistic bitchy moments, fart warnings, down to my friends' sexual encounters, family issues, and the most dolorous damsel-in-distress chapters of my seemingly fancy life. But, there's always a but. What if it's about him and what you are about to say might loosen the bond. And that is why I'm thankful that I think I have found a girl whose thoughts are plotted on the plane as mine. Your advices are just the best. Thank you Eyan Pascual! I hope you get to read this. :*

Last night, I thought about planning a quarter of my life considering my (quite) distant graduation. Young as I am, my goals are not as firm as they ought to be. But one thing is for sure, I am not going to be a nurse, nor a doctor, ever in my life. Simply because I could not work in a place where you see people having the worst times of their lives. There's so much crying, blood and death. For a person with such passion for words and (over)analysis of feelings, I would go insane in an environment as such. So, by default, I will be a businesswoman. I actually made progress deciding that I will be putting up a nail salon.

As of now, what I see is that girl all dressed up for the runway but acts so sloppy at the back of the classroom, munching on Butterfinger and vividly displaying her finger-licking moment like a kid (unaware that her guy seatmate is finding it... kinky) while endlessly quarreling with her boyfriend on the phone saying that it's wrong to sleep over at a girl's house even if it's with friends over and over. Like a non-best-selling contemporary novel, mine's just as stodgy.

When the world needs a hero

2011-03-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

The world isn't ending................. yet.

It's a huge wake-up call for us to save the world from total destruction.

Cheers to two whole years

2011-02-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

All these years my thoughts of a perfect guy for me are too high above hyperspace. I was trapped in the illusion of the ideal boyfriend. So, I was not interested in real boys. I was interested in the idea of a Landon Carter, a little charm, swag and wealth from Chuck Bass, and a part of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy's mystery and chivalry. But I haven't realized that I am putting myself in custody, behind the bars of fiction, because I am no Jamie Sullivan, Blair Waldorf and definitely not (at all) Elizabeth Bennet. I went a little contemporary, but God forbid things for better things to happen.

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, on top of it all, he's gonna be filthy rich. He'll drive me to school with his BMW. He will take me places and give me fancy dinners every week.

(He doesn't have a BMW, he doesn't even have his own car yet. He takes me to fancy dinners once or twice a year. But I learned to appreciate things that don't come so often and were worked hard for.)

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, he'll be sporty. He'll be quarterback or team captain.

(He's not sporty which makes him neither a quarterback nor team captain. He played a little soccer and was quite good at it, but of course, it was P.E. But I appreciate having more time with a guy who doesn't have to attend basketball practice.)

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, he'll be a really good dancer. Guys who can dance are jaw-droppers. A guy who can sing would be okay too.

(He doesn't dance. I mean, he COULDN'T dance. His body was not meant for dancing. In fact, he doesn't have a talent anyone could see. But it sure is funny when I try to make him dance, I couldn't laugh harder with any other joke. And when he sings sweet songs to me, I know it's a big effort for him, I could cry an ocean of tears of joy.)

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, I want a really smart guy who's good at Math. I'd have someone to teach me because I love Math. But Math doesn't really love me. It's complicated.

(He's relatively smart, but he sucks at Math. In fact, he failed his Calculus. But it's fun to feel like you're the smart girlfriend when you're the one who helps him with his Math problems... and getting rid of his X.)

If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, he'll be poetic. He's the one who will make me understand that words are love.

(He's sensitive and sweet, but definitely not poetic. He's a man of few words, and when we fight I always get the upper hand because he couldn't explain himself. He could not put his train of thoughts into words. But it's sweet when he tries to make an effort, big things come in small packages.)

(Feb. 23)

And because he's not wordy, he let others provide words for him. Haha!

Happy 2nd anniversary!

(P.S. He doesn't draw too, that's his friend's drawing)

God might have given a humongous twist to my requests but I couldn't be any happier :')

Date a Girl Who Reads

2011-02-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

A little early for Valentine's, my co-lit freak Clar shared this really moving article. Cheers to girls like us!

Date a Girl Who Reads
By Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop?That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted.

Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her.You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

"The only person standing in your way is you."

2011-02-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

I despise mathematical analysis to hell and back, and so I look back at times to where I feel like I truly belong, where solace truly lies, a thing called... art. Reading and writing under the influence of caffeine and a little of my self-proclaimed pixie dust, so-called inspiration, no calculators... no deceitful math models, things I truly miss.

In the middle of getting fed up doing quantitative management analysis, I spoil myself with movies and snacks (as I do not have the time to finish novels anymore since it eats so much of my time and yet it's nowhere in line with my profession-to-be, which is sad, to be honest). I am so glad to have a best friend whose passion lies on the same ground, plus she lets me borrow her DVDs. Black Swan was one of the most disturbing movies I have ever seen. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis' sex scenes? Incomparable. Restricted to the 'hot' meter. It was something you would watch with your mom but find the need to explain to her 'Mom, it's art', like Liz did. The movie was driven by emotions althroughout. Love, lust, lunacy borne by peculiar perfectionism. It's strange how some people's lives revolve around their profession. Like it's food to their lives and there's no other way to live. Nina's life revolved around ballet and it killed her. I have come to realize I should loosen up on being a perfectionist. I might lose my wits just as well.

I digress. There's this true-to-life story I'd like to share.

Makes me wonder

2011-02-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

... Why is that when you touch your tongue while you're yawning, it stops the yawn, and why is yawning contagious?

... I think we need dictator leaders in this country. The pride drops by itself because of abusive Filipinos spotted in every corner. Hasn't everyone learned about cause & effect in grade school?

... Why do I feel like I'm stuck in a rut when I like my course anyway. Why do I feel like I'm unhappy where I'm studying when DLSU was my dream university since I was ten?

... Why is the irony of things getting intense. Someone enters the room for a sex ed seminar, then in the middle of the discussion when things about sex were being learned, this very religious girl worries that she might be in need of pap smear, because she is, in straight terms, active. My eyes roll at the sight of her.

... How can my classmates mentally compute values with decimal points? I feel like a dumbass for not being a math whiz.

... It's love month. JP and I, have been together for 2 valentine's (+ another one coming on the 14th), and we never celebrated Valentine's, ever. Not even this year. Because anyway, our anniversary falls on the 23rd. But when, when can I experience having an official Valentine?

Guilty

2011-01-16T21:05:00.000-08:00

I feel sorry about misunderstanding my dad. The hunger strike and not going downstairs all day were good for nothing. Apparently he was just swept away by the movie Taken. I felt bad.

Please Hollywood, no more movies about overprotective fathers getting their 18-year old (and below) daughters kidnapped, drugged and sold to illegal auctions whose bidders are multimillionaire secret convicts.

Believing the Unbelievable

2011-01-15T20:21:00.000-08:00

Condition: Extremely pissed

Reason: Psychotic-overprotective father not allowing me to attend my final college retreat a.k.a LASALLIAN RECOLLECTION 3 (which he claims is not compulsory, but in truth is one of the keys to a successful graduation) because it's a freaking overnight activity. Despite the strict authority inside the retreat center and my persistent attempts of showing evidence of how mandatory it is, he still reigns over me with his patriarchal power. IT IS A SPIRITUAL ACTIVITY FOR GOODNESS' SAKE. I have just never missed an overnight off-campus activity, and I just see this unbelievable that I have been going places for so long, and now he's refusing to give me permission for a darn retreat. I have been attending retreats since high school. How unreasonable could this be? I feel like a grade schooler forbidden to go to the mall with my friends. Parents nowadays.

Forgive the rambling. Wouldn't you get pissed if you were in my shoes?

A sequel of my dying hope

2011-01-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

Surely, I was not the most excited student to enter her first class in 2011. I actually had to feign excitement as I assumed the good vibes will come to a desirable result, but unfortunately my hopes were slaughtered so violently right before me. My pre-enrollment list consisted of 9.0 units, exlusive of (2.0) non-academic, and when I had the chance to adjust my schedule, none of my plans was followed because I painfully encountered closed sections. The line was horribly long and I can hear the heavy sighs of impatient students behind me, so I panicked and had to 'shotgun' my schedule just like how it is on objective multiple choice exams. Soooo, the result of my enrollment assessment form was a *drumroll* moment. And yes, it's an abstract art scraped by murderous hens. 4-hour breaks? Night classes? I say goodbye to JP and I's afternoon bondings, and nothing makes me sadder than that. Movie marathons in the morning are also weird (as I wait for my afternoon classes). It takes time to adjust since I haven't had such miserable schedule in what felt like ages. Then other things start going roughly. It makes me think like I've alloted so much hope into a new year, and a new decade, then 2011 screams back "Sorry to burst your bubble."

Lesson learned: Forward chain messages that say "Forward this to 15 people, or you will be unhappy for the first three months of 2011" --and my term schedule is good for three months. Pure coincidence or did my friend really cast a spell on that message? Nah. Miserable life ahead, and I'm on it. Let's just say I could be bitchier than life.

Goodbye forever, 2010

2010-12-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

I find no space for words to describe how cruel 2010 has been to me. It has been the worst year of my life, by far. And all I can say to express my sincere last hoorah for this year's bittersweet departure is good riddance.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for change. 2011, please make a difference.

As for my New Year's Resolution, I am working on not the the list, but whether I should make one or not. I must be honest, I was not able to accomplish last year's list, given that my 2010 was touched by bad luck. If ever I do, this time, completion is a must.

1 hour and 57 minutes left on my clock.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Jingle bells, mermaid man smells, barnacle boy laid an egg...

2010-12-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

The morning started with an episode of Spongebob Squarepants as my little brother and I impatiently waited for The Clash of the Triton special on Nick.

Truly, I am a kid at heart.

I feel so charitable (which is by the way, very fulfilling) giving away loot bags for kids on Christmas day. How they giggle when I use heavy marker as stamp because some hooligans from the creekside take three bags and come back for more. Albeit, busting them was all part of the fun. We never run out of visitors on Christmas day. The spirit just never goes away on the day itself. Happy Birthday, Jesus. I am definitely in love with Christmas.

Like how I'm in love with this guy right here :">

Enjoy the holidays. Rock the Christmas break, because the aftermath is fatal... I call it school.

More like Christmas

2010-12-18T03:29:00.000-08:00

UST Paskuhan 2010

The frequency of wishing I studied at UST instead is nearing +∞ . I feel so close to being their blockmate because I hang around too often, and not to mention... they make such lovely friends. There is such a thing as too late.

The anthem of our dying day

2010-12-14T13:56:00.000-08:00

As I knock down yet another final exam (with certainties of failure), I mentally do the moonwalk back and forth then dance like a monkey -- things I wish I had the guts to shamelessly perform in public. Tomorrow would be another day, and last to freedom. The forthcoming of Christmas makes my spirit so enlightened that I wish my professors feel the same and enlighten our grades just about the same amount. It is after all, the time of giving.

I sit here in the library waiting for something to happen. My friends are quietly taking their exams now, definitely not at peace as I imagine them anxious about figuring out the answers like finding long lost treasures. X marks that spot. I watch people here and I can see clearly, the diversity. I watch them study, distract the ones who study, fret over the noise of those distracting their studying friends ending up distracting the entire study room, watch videos on YouTube in their laptops... watch me blogging about them. I see really cheerful people, underneath those chic designer clothes, thick eyeglasses, frowns marking incomprehension while highlighting their study guides. This is Filipino-university-culture. Our youth is our treasure, and no mater how stressed I am, I find myself savoring the perks and privileges of being a student. Sometimes not just a student, a De La Salle University student. It's definitely not the swagger because studying here does not make anyone "sosyal" contrary to popular belief and overrated stereotypes. I still find myself a commoner, a daughter of a middle class businessman who works hard to send her eldest daughter to a university as prestigious as this (only to fail heaps of units, heck). I have always been studious and grade conscious up to incredible heights, but then I got here and realized I wasn't that smart. People would not hold their tongues saying people here are only filthy rich, little do they know people here are intelligent... I should know. This is not an amusement park where you buy your entrance ticket to get in, not unless you blatantly failed and asked for a limited-slot reconsideration. That's when money butts in. But for me being here is great, it's about free stuff, and not waiting long lines for free stuff because most people here don't need free stuff. And to be honest? It's a pretty steep road trying to keep up with this culture. It took me about two years, and then I got used to it. I was once living in the common grounds, then I felt like I was becoming one of them too. Though in depth, I'm still the same, like every other person here trying to live a fallacy.

As I sit here so randomly disoriented, and while I think of pop-up things, I also ponder on nationality... and racism. I passed by this book about it, and I read... nah I didn't read it. Like it or not, we really are all racists. I have my own take on things and sometimes reading and being too receptive at the same time make me lose my wits. I don't think Filipinos are monkey-men or peabrains like what they tactlessly blurt out, not just because I am one. We just lack discipline that's all. Everyone here's too cheerful and carefree, everyone goes 'my country, my rules', so I'll jaywalk, beat the red light, steal. It got me thinking, the countries on top are those who use coercion as a form of discipline. Must we really have to get hurt, before we learn?

Wake-up Call

2010-12-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

The drama: Earphones in, and I'm in my own perfect world.

There's something about those cliche statement shirts about music that make them more meaningful than the occasional plastic portrayal of those posers wearing them. As I put my iPod on shuffle, I allow myself to play different roles in my mind, set by bizarre moods every tone brings. In my mind it's always an MTV award-deserving music video, starring me. When my earphones are plugged, I am my own it-girl on a pedestal, the leading lady of my college crush (aka my boyfriend's classmate), a supermodel walking on Victoria's Secret's sacred runway, an elegant dancer whose moves will make your jaws drop the same way Step Up does. All the things I can never be, I become when I unite with my playlists. Sometimes I wish, I never have to take my earphones off again. Because the silence that separation brings, is my huge wake-up call. It's when reality pierces through your dreams to violently burst your bubble. But the moment is inevitable, at some point I'll be back to being this girl again. Average. Capable of sinking into oblivion.

(Photo by Gerard Pye)

Oasis

2010-11-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

Only in college did I realize the downside of being always the youngest lass. Being eighteen and in my third year in college, I'm only beginning to take things seriously. I've always thought of people who study a lot as introverts, and those who take their school works to a whole new level in line with their future career as no-fun. Maybe this is why sometimes I can't keep up with the pace. Random classmates whom I get to group with always make time for preparing presentations accompanied by some kickass ideas to shock the class, and I find it difficult to drag my lazy ass with them and realize how serious I should be getting. These past few days have been my 'wicked science' moments, like some microscopic oompa loompa screwed my unscrewed brain parts and fueled it with rich, dark chocolate. I'm starting to love where I am like an oasis. This is my dwelling place, where my calculator is my best buddy, operations and system analysis, my forte not by vocation but upon realization. I guess I half-stopped dreaming I was in AB Lit or MMA instead, where a different sort of skill was required. Something that would not stress me to death. Perseverance is just not my virtue. I need someone else's company to keep me going. I know my own direction but I can't do things alone because I give up a lot.

But who wouldn't love a change such as this? It is only now since high school, that I actually look at a test and know what to do. I feel like I'm finally growing up. :')

I smell Christmas already

2010-11-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Seriously smelling it...

What marks the start of my self-proclaimed Christmas season is when Starbucks gives the go signal to collect stickers in order to avail of their limited edition planner. But it's not like I'm putting the annual release of planners ahead of the commemoration of Jesus' birth. Go figure. Of course it's not that. I'm living in a Christmas-obsessed country.

It is certain that I do not have a barista crush in any of the two Taft branches this year. So it is also certain that I won't be able to get three planners in one season this time. HAHA!

Ms. November

2010-11-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

It's a whole new month! I can't deny the peculiarity but the name of the month November disturbs me. It's my least favorite month out of twelve. Maybe because the first two days comprise darkness and agony.

But there's a bit of happiness at least to start the month...

Now I have a new baby! Any suggestions for the name? Anyway, thanks dad. This should have been my 18th birthday gift but I shall forgive the 3 months delay.

Still there's no way to hide the fact that I'm still about 2,397km away from my true happiness. Only 5 days to go until he finds his way back.

It's All Saints' Day. Do visit your late loved ones.

--and tomorrow we have classes which means... I will be dragging my ass to school on All Souls' Day.

A flapping fish in need of my Nemo

2010-10-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

I figured these days that I'm not really the excellent-writer-for-all -seasons type. I can't write well when I'm happy, like I'm too sugar-filled to even excrete some of it into writing. I can't write when I'm feeling okay, it's not like there are good or really heavy times that people would be interested to read about. I can only write with a heartful of passion when I am so sad that there's no way I can contain it.

Today, I went to the spa with my family. Six hours that I thought I could relax and slightly forget about my yearning. I was hopeful that I could sweat my exhaustion in the sauna, sweep away the sadness with a body massage, then eat away the pain at the buffet room where everything looked scrumptious. But then it did not lessen the feeling more than one bit. As every minute I knew he would stop texting. The difficulty in breathing inside the sauna carried on until the time he had to turn of his phone and get ready for take-off.

For the first time in the history of our relationship, he will be away from me for this long. It's difficult when you're together every single day and as soon as you're apart you text each other every minute. Sometimes getting too attached really is bad. Enjoy your vacation, boyfriend.

Confessions of a vain-a-holic

2010-10-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

Disregarding economic and other vital factors that come with this, I sometimes wish I had all the money in the world, and spoil myself beyond endless possibilities. As a student (slash aspiring businesswoman slash entrepreneur), I have plenty of wants that I yearn for every nanosecond. WANT is always stronger than need as a marketer's saying goes. You ask why, that's because we only suffice our needs by the time we actually have to have them. When do you drink? When you're thirsty. When do you sleep? When you're sleepy. When do you put your sanitary napkins on? Don't tell me you don't use it for code red! I'm not gonna start asking about food because it has found its way lying somewhere in between. Now, when do you want to have an iPhone4, a dSLR, a brand new car? When do you want it? --- NOW.

Sometimes when you're stressed out, you feel like pampering yourself by going to the spa, the waxing salon, facial salon, hair salon, nail salon, then go shopping afterwards! Every girl's dreamland has at least three of these, otherwise I'll doubt your gender. There really are times when you want to find an escape and you have all the time and yet you don't have the cha-ching. Sure, parents are there to aid you, but what if you're not just as dirty rich as you can get and you can only get what you want one at a time? It sucks right. To not know how and when to feel contentment. I wish life was that easy. I'll be going to the spa in two days. :) One at a time girl. Be happy, feel contentment.

Reckless

2010-10-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

It all goes down to that point when you reach the saturation level. Have I reached that point in blogging? Maybe not. To put it simply, it's hard to blog without a camera. It's the perfect aid that captures emotions. Without it, vain-aholic is half-empty.

I could have taken a picture of the damage I've done to the car when I bumped it, and a photo of that... how do I describe this, FAIL (?) kickoff event at DLSU field. So many things. Reckless moments and events becoming bygones. How I wish I had a camera with me. :( Soon, I'll be back.

10.10.10

Wake me up when September ends

2010-09-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

This old song never gets old when September sneaks into the big picture.

God knows I got what I deserved this term, and those grades weren't tear-jerkers because I am not grade conscious, as of now. I didn't do so bad when paralleled to friends (I just had to stick my nose).

I can't believe term break's almost over. I just let myself rot here at home, penniless! I can't predict how more stodgy life would be. Little plot, no action, so tiresome. And he, I'd rather not be cryptic, HE is a stubborn pain in the ass. Yet here I am, clinging on, because I believe I'm just being a girl who psychoanalyzes things and gets jealous all the time. I don't wanna be a drama queen because I should have outgrown the chick flick style and moved to deep adult realizations, but life is too hard on me. I'm still a girl. I still feel like a girl.

I feel like a failure thinking that I wanted to do so much but ended up doing nothing. I'm eighteen and yet I feel like I'm still not free enough to live like a normal teenager. Sure I go out all the time, but when 9pm strikes, wherever I am, my mom would rape my phone with text messages and missed calls nagging me to come home, regardless if I brought a car with me. And when I come home, it's as if nothing happened. I party once in a while, but since no one picks me up but my dad, it's kinda sucky. I don't really drive much, especially when I'm partying. Hearing about my friends going to Boracay on their own, roadtrip outside Manila, sleepover somewhere, gives me the envy vibes. GEE, SOME PARENTS. It's hard to try to be happy when you can't make the most out of what you have.

Ignorance

2010-08-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

@Eugene's party, talking trash about a pretty, slutty girl.

I refuse to post how I looked after this scenario. I was close to being technically dragged home (thanks to this girl I recently learned to love, Eyan. Hahaha). Long talks and boisterous laughter (under the influence of alcohol) during celebrations are things I never failed to love. Having that much fun I feel like I'm living closer to the dream, except there's no direction (I actually have no sense of direction), and it's not as if life came with a manual. I'm nowhere near a party whore, more so a whore, but my body has been abruptly reset and an allotment of 60% was given to laziness without my permission. I'm a total slacker in school and I admit that I go beyond allowable limits of not studying. It's not because I'm busy with external affairs and social crap. I have a lot of time to spare but I choose to watch Phineas and Ferb over studying. And it gives me the sinking feeling because I used to work my ass out to ace my tests, and pass all my subjects, sometimes I aim at getting the highest grade too. Now, I'm pretty apathetic, when it comes to academics, I feel totally irrelevant. Maybe, I just need to meet term break. One more week Maye, hang in there.

Not much to say

2010-08-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

Such a shame I decided to cease blogging for a little while. I guess I did sweat out half my literary skills. The creative juice was filtered, chunks left somewhere, poetic nonsense left inside my rotting brain. I've been so lazy in school this term. What happened to me?

All's fair in love. I live a normal life, not quite bland for an extrovert since I started driving regularly. Although, my car jerks by itself on first gear. What do I say? My birthday has gone old, and my dad hasn't given a formal present. Sheesh. It's not my lucky year I guess. I won't doubt my celebration was pure awesome, I guess I'm still looking for a material thing, a tangible one as formal gift. Ohh Nikon D90, you will forever be a dream now.

I left my books lying there, unread. I'm even getting lazy to spend time with the things that formerly made me experience true solace-- like novels and my blog. My cheerful and active spirits shall be back. Wait for it! :)

Ode to July

2010-07-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

I swear I am sick and tired of school. If filing a leave of absence for no good reason were legal in this house (and if I weren't itching to graduate so soon), I could have done it right after summer. I have never been this lazy for school in my entire life. I never do anything nowadays. Goodluck grades, get well soon.

My fiancé (unofficial) celebrated his 18th last Sunday. Last year, I can still remember I wrote not just a mouthful of sentences 'cos it was quite... long, not to mention girly. Ah, those were the days! But it doesn't mean that the feeling has somehow faded. Nah... not at all. We're still living the teenage dream. It's just that, when so much has happened and things said can never be taken back, we can only go back to that one genuine line (something I don't consider as poetic nonsense). When all else fails, you have your 3 words with 8 letters (does not involve hate or fuck). A girl should know when it's true. (Forgive my syntax and other shiz cos I'm really not in the mood to complete sentences and follow sentence structures) :))

And after a year and five months, we still like to kick each other's butts like this, dive and race off, then laugh about it. When you meet a guy like him, that's love.

(but dream on my man, those trunks don't make you look sexy)

But really, let's go to the punchline.

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

LEGAL AGE? I don't think going to jail is a privilege.

I'm so dead tired so I'll just give a messed up update about my birthday.

1.) I won't be having a debut, instead, I will have a mini-party at Encore on the 30th. I'll treat my friends out on the 31st, then treat my cousins some other time. I am tryiiiinngggg sooooo haaarrrddd to follow the budget (or spend less than the budget), because excess will be used as shopping money. Aren't I clever? Hahahaha.

2.) Say goodbye to dSLR, as Mr. Mitsubishi is about to be sold. I just got my license a week ago, and when I got home he's broken (I am born with magical jinx). So when he got fixed by Dr. Mechanic, dad decided to sell him to buy my dream Honda City.

3.) I am using the cheapest Blackberry you can find in Globe, Wellcom and Games & Gadgets. As agreed, I saved up for 75% of this. It was a bit painful to empty my bank account for a mere cellphone.

4.) I am a material girl. I'm expecting gifts! BWAHA!

From pot of gold to shit

2010-07-04T19:23:00.000-07:00

There are some days that you'll go apeshit on your father and feel the need to take everyday sedatives (named perfectly brewed macchiato) just so you wouldn't shout all your hatred in his face cos that ignoble move will cost you your annual allowance (but that's my mom's job so what's the point). Just in time, a horrible announcement was made by my Stat professor saying we are somewhat required to go to her stupid make-up classes (exaggerated, we only missed three meetings, and she wants us to make up for five and a half!), scheduled every Friday of July. I already made plans. I have a life. School's Monday-Thursday, please do not steal my precious weekend. FML. Life, please be on my side.

Break the ice

2010-06-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I can't help but be distracted. Just look at her genitals. Like, whaaat?

According to Egotastic, Miley Cyrus is a young teenager with a craptastic voice of a 70-year old chain smoker. But for me, she's a whore. Imagine the tons of bucks dirty old men squander for that kind of exposure. Watch out kids. Hannah Montana's numero uno girl gone wild. You might want to consider switching idols.

You can't play on broken strings

2010-06-13T14:32:00.000-07:00

Remember when you told me you'll never change?

.. Well, you lied.

Au revoir, L'été

2010-06-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Unlike my friends, I instantly gained the capability to let it sink in that I am now a college junior. First week's done! Just thirteen more to goooooooo. Rants? I have none, except for the inevitable complaints about Finance subjects. That's a given.

So it's June. Rainy days. Fresh start. Tendencies to be academically Obsessive-Compulsive. The only month of the school year when I actually look forward to every waking moment just to go to school. Nerd? Then I realized, I'm turning eighteen next month. Finally. I've been left out for so long. I HAVE NEVER BEEN EXCITED FOR MY BIRTHDAY SINCE PUBERTY. So yes, this feeling is unusual.

I am as girly as a girl who admires pink and wears bikinis, but I am not at all traditional. In math terms, Rave at some Superclub > Grand Ball at a 5-star Hotel. But really, all I wanted for my birthday was to treat my friends, drive a car of my own, have the latest Nikon dSLR, and a Blackberry ( I guess I got over Madonna's 'the boy with the cold hard cash is always Mr. Right' line, but I'm still Material Girl Extraordinaire). I cannot deny the fact that I find solace and happiness in getting material things, much like almost everybody does. But sorry, after a year of begging not to have a debut, the unica hija's still getting served. Somehow I got what I wanted. I now have my own car (stick-shift! darn!), a hand-me-down from my dad. A new auto is unattainable now that we have to relocate our family businesses. Nikon and BB thingamajig, next month. BUT, I am going to use what's left of my puny savings to give my share, then the rest would be my parents' treat. As I said, not rich :|

Now, the debut. I do not like this for some reasons I told the boyfriend 1.) I was not built to stretch far emotional to have this. 2.) I hate being placed on a pedestal, under the spotlight, playing the center of attention 3.) Hassle, tamad ako. I can't imagine having to contact a diversity of friends to come. The what ifs are killing me. Looking at the bright side, GIFTS! 18 roses complete, need 11 more candles. If you're my friend, and you're free on the 31st of July (which is two days after my actual birthday) to go to Makati, I need you to volunteer. :( Contact me. Okay, au revoir! Busy bee now.

Shit and Feathers

2010-05-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

5 more days and summertime's over! Classes start next week and I can say I am happy. Truly, I am. No more french-kissing the sun, no more rude Chinese people making your out-of-the-country vacation no fun at all (I'm sort of a racist, forgive me), no more summer love dramas, and best of all, no more empty wallets! But I have to say, walking on sunshine is not so bad after all. I'm not talking about the noontime heatwave, oh please.

//

If by any chance, there's anything you'd like to ask, since I have no comments box whatsoever anymore, visit this website I so hated (because vain people use this to sustain their self-esteem and much-needed vanity), but learned to like anyway, because I found it useful when there's nothing else to do. Besides, I like making fun of egoistic girls.

HERE,CLICK THE FREAKIN' FORMSPRING

P.S. I named this blog vain-aholic 2 years ago, but it doesn't mean I'm vain. Back then, I thought vanity was all about taking photos of yourself. I know, it was dumb.

From Macau, with love.

2010-05-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

Contrary to my 'ye olde author description', I am not suited for traveling. There's this peculiar, indigestible gut feeling about being in another country, not knowing where to go, confused by the language. Literally, we wandered off too far, took the wrong bus and got lost in Macau. Approximately 5 out of 20 people know English numbers, only around three of them knowledgeable in the basic English language. Macau is an absolutely wonderful place! That's if you don't mind the lack of hospitality and battling sign languages and hand gestures like mutes, except with able persons. I'm so messed up right now.

At a local park in Taipa, Macau

According to my list of 'Places to visit during entire life span'
☑ The Venetian
☑ Hong Kong Disneyland

On dreams

2010-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

I have this growing interest in oneirology, the study of dreams.

We all know that dreams are successions of thoughts the mind experiences during sleep. Ask Mr. Wikipanion and he'll tell you it's a physiological response to neural processes during sleep, psychologically as reflection of the subconscious, particularly because when we sleep, the brain doesn't. I did some research and found some interesting facts. I'll be naming a few because I'm pretty sure you know them already.

We only dream of what we know

- Well, I didn't agree on this one at first until I read further and had things sorted out. We think our dreams are full of strangers, but those faces are not invented by our minds- they are real faces of existing people. The mind registers the faces you have seen since you were a kid and those that you don't even remember may appear in your dreams. With all those faces you encountered, there will be an endless supply of characters the brain must utilize for your dreams. For instance, the psychotic serial killer in your dreams might be that salesman in a department store fitting you school shoes when you were a kid, but you don't remember that face do you?

You forget 90% of your dreams

- In my case I think I've been missing all the good parts. Everytime I wake up, it's either there are tears in my eyes or I feel like I just came out of a horror movie.

Anxiety is dominant in dreams

- I can bet my whole life on this one. The last time I remember I had a good dream was years ago.

You can have four to seven dreams in one night

- On average, we dream about one to two hours every night. In that time we can already produce seven stories. Most of them are unfinished though.

Men and women dream differently

- Men tend to dream more about other men. No, not in that homosexual way. 70% of the characters in their dreams are men, while women dream of an equal population. Generally, men have more aggressive emotions in their dreams than the female lot.

Dreams are not about what they are about

- Dreams speak in deep symbolic language. So just because you had a dream of a massacre occurring in your neighborhood, does not mean it's going to happen. Although, there are cases of reported pre-cognitive dreams, of which are about visions of the future. Whether or not they are scientifically proven, or just a fluke, I am not sure. Given that dreams are most of the time representations of lighter emotions, I feel enlightened. I have had more awful dreams than any teenage girl has had in her lifetime. That's real sad right.

I have been dreaming of demons trying to kill me since last year. The bad things is it all seem so real that my eyes are welled up when I wake up and I feel absolutely horrible. I pray every night, and wish for no more nightmares to visit me but on those rare occasions I still dream of them. I consulted dreammoods.com, and it says that,

To see demons in your dream, represents ignorance, negativity, distress or your shadow self. It also forewarns of overindulgence and letting lust give way to your better judgment. As a result, your physical and mental health may suffer.
To dream that you are possessed by demons, indicates ultimate helplessness.

I refuse to believe that lunacy is on its way to get me.

Life without love, like a year without summer

2010-05-03T01:22:00.000-07:00

There used to be a time when I sit in the second row of the family van with my rowdy brothers every summer outing. This summer, I was in the third row, next to the boyfriend :">

Fourteen months and we're still awesome.

♥ is ecstatic.

Spotted

2010-04-24T22:08:00.000-07:00

You see? I have a Tumblr account! It's just, well... desolate of soul.

I keep seeing Tumblr links everywhere and I feel obsolete. Here's the shit, it's not my thing to share amusing things created by other people. Sure I'd love that too, but I am a person full images and words, mostly words, so Tumblr's definitely not the place for me. The creative juice needs to be excreted from my mind like free flowing drinks. I must admit I am envious of their passion for the site, I wish I could join in the fun.

//

I got my grades. No complaints here. I got fair grades. FAIR.
I study in this school where you don't work hard to get high grades. We work hard to PASS. If you're aiming higher you must be a part of the brainy bunch (I believe I am relatively smart but underqualified to be a member) or or or! Cut my connections and lose my social life. Seeing I am an enthusiastic person I refuse to do that. Most of the time I go out instead of studying for my final exams. Yes, final exams. At times I settle for academic mediocrity, I deserve to be happy outside school too. Nevertheless, I'm happy to have just above the qualifying CGPA to shift from Finance to Business Management. Thank goodness, I was already drowning in numbers! Finishing school on December 2011. I can't wait!

Snap, I got you.

2010-04-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

Words cannot express the level of my rapture now that the half week's celebration of the good heaven's rival has come to an end. Although judgment day is yet to come... what pain I have to bear in waiting.

Finally, I'll be able to catch up on my reading! - seriously, this is a faded line by all wormies calling for some time to fix their eyes on their novels.

Books I scored at the book sale waiting to be read

After reading a classic novel, which took much focus to comprehend because of the 19th century touch that's clearly out of our modern boxes, and after I may say, falling inlove with Mr. Darcy, I cannot wait to go back to contemporaries! It's peculiar how I switch from book to book and adapt its environment. I always feel for one character in each story with a desire to make myself likewise that she manages to conquer a part of me as I act out a part of her. It's like I become what I read. I am, I guess, tolerably strange.

//

The image above was captured by me with the use of my new Nikon camera. It's a sleek, tolerable camera and much much better than my old one (considering it's pink, my favorite of favorites and the new one's just boring graphite black, which is a versatile color to say the least). I got it online. YES, I fancy auctions quite a lot. But it's a U.S. auction which means I suffered paying for the shipping fee and the muchos worse burdensome taxes equal to the price of the camera. I guess I'll have to say farewell to my pink Samsung and sell it for a reasonable price. I am not at all rich, and I'm almost a grown-up as to not let my mom pay for all my credit card bills (though I still have 3 months to spend minority). A show of gratitude is a must for letting me swipe my way to happiness.

//

Tomorrow is happy Thursday! :)
Bowling with my lovey dovey blockmates. What fun!

First of summer

2010-04-07T11:20:00.000-07:00

I certainly cannot help but feel like my blog has sunken into deep oblivion after abandoning it for a month, not leaving even a partial notice. Not like anyone cares, but still.

Technically, it's summer. But if you consider the fact that I still have classes, that's another thing. As you see I have perked up this virtual friend of mine in time (just before finals week, or in cliche terms, hell week). I was thinking I couldn't go on with my summer posts having a dark and dull layout as the previous one, it's giving off an anti-summer-y feel which totally defeats the point. YES! This year's going to be summer-ific! :D

Last week I've embarked on my first trip! Bicol Region and Lucena.

Cam Sur Water Sports Complex

Cagsaua Ruins (at the foot of Mt. Mayon) & Embarcadero, Legazpi

Irosin Hot Spring & Paguriran Island

Graceland Estates and Country Club

Can't wait to go back for more!

Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

2010-03-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

No, I'm not happy. Yes, I'm tired. Yes, I want to quit school. Yes, I want to punch a few of my professors in the gut, and say to their faces 'that's how you make me feel when you give this required workload, and you say it's for my own good but people tell me I look ten years older, and that's proven because I entered the casino to meet my parents and nobody apprehended me for the first time.' Yes, I am emotionally stressed. Yes, I cry often for the most common reason and sometimes I just need to let it out.

I've been hoping to avoid this situation by the thinnest and deadliest of margins. I can't wait for the day I can finally say I'm happy, because every ecstatic thing that comes gets even out by something depressive, double the weight of the city. Today, I cried over my uncle. It's the first time I've ever been to a burial, and it makes me anxious to see a loved one get swallowed by the Earth. I was doing my accounting homework all night at the wake, and the next day I was crying over this trending issue (because my aching feelings tell me it's still a hot topic) in this relationship JP and I never got over with. It's making us frail. It's been a year. Why can't I just get a grip?

and that's when he told me, 'we're crying over spilled milk'

Take me away cos the night just feels right

2010-03-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

Suddenly, I seem to believe in fate.
Of the things that nurture the soul, the emotional stress brought by impulse, and the remote effects of every movement made.

Suddenly, it all seemed so real.

My mind has been sailing away from me, getting tired of all the shit school has gotten us into, and I feel slightly disoriented. I think too much. There's something missing.

Maybe it's... summer. Oh the love. ♥

Let's paint the town red

2010-02-14T00:19:00.000-08:00

Word of mouth has reached the town. HAPPY HEARTS! ♥

There's something really striking about Valentines. By this time you'll witness the apathy or the bitterness galore of the lovelorn, hear the silent cries of broken hearts, see couples exchange their warmth and longing for each other, succumbed in their own imaginary cocoon which they have colored with different hues of love and lust- flaunting it like walking punchlines.

Which reminds me... This was one of my favorites, from Up.

Everybody loves Doug :)

By the way, I got a white rose, a heart-shaped box containing 23 promises, and our very first photo together in a fancy picture frame as Valentines gift. Thank you boyfriend. :*

How about you? Has anyone found the key to your heart yet?

Three hundred and sixty five

2010-02-04T19:26:00.000-08:00

'Become a fan' this 'Become a fan' that. It's a mania, and probably just another one on the line-up of Facebook folly. It's strange how you can relate to hundreds and thousands of people halfway around the world, and all this time you thought you were alone with that certain feeling. Some things strike like a bullet, like this one - "It's amazing how much things can change in just one year"

I suppose a year is long enough, but when drastic changes are involved, the amazing part goes in. In one year, just about my entire life has changed. I learned, I gained, I lost things. Things that you can never find again once you lose them. It's just like how Cecelia Ahern put it in her novel 'A Place Called Here'. I was convinced that you couldn't replace what was lost. I insisted on things having to be found. Despite the uncertainty over the passage of time, I am happy, yet to be extremely happy. Maybe when I turn eighteen I'll take that big leap, that ought to be another life-changing one.

So, three hundred and sixty five.
Valentines Day is about to knock on our doorsteps, and I can't believe I'm actually committed! That's a part of the string of life-changing events. It's astounding. It's not just having a lover per se, it's being a member of another family feeling the warmth of their advanced welcoming. Honestly, it's cool to be legal. Nothing beats that feeling. Turning three hundred and sixty five days on the 23rd and the first anniversary marks the spot. But I'm gonna be as brutally honest as possible, right grown-ups? Especially TO MY FRIENDS! Just because the anniversary falls on February doesn't mean something juicy is gonna happen. So spare me from the gory joke because sex does not make a good anniversary gift. :| (I'm quite conservative because even a kiss makes a big deal to me, my first kiss was when I was about to turn a college sophomore- not like anyone cares, I believe one guy is enough for a lifetime). - That was very expressive.

Honestly, I think blogging too much about love is supposed to be a form of self-expression for some, it's as effective as yoga in venting out emotional stress, but to me it's a form of self-humiliation, so enough about that. I digress.

I'm actually getting used to having classes until 9:10pm twice a week. My prof's a darling, she completes the odd set of my current educators. There's a gay, and then the other one's trying not to be gay, there's a health conscious one, there's a cynic, there's someone boring and too kind, and then her. Maybe this set makes an impact on my studies? I'm actually studying my ass out an awful lot lately. I got the highest score in our first quiz in ACTBAS2! I failed ACTBAS1 once upon a year ago so that's a pretty big step to me. - See how much things change in just one year?

Whoever comes are the right people

2010-01-22T01:11:00.000-08:00

We had this thing called a pseudo-relationship. At least, that's what I thought. It was years ago, and I mourned over the loss of what could have been saved. I tried. I failed. He left, or maybe he never really stayed at all. I stood there, and never glanced to any other direction, only at those trails of what's left behind. I wished memories could be frozen, and replayed over and over until it's no more than just a repetition of what was supposed to be special. That way it won't hurt too much.

But he came to rebuild me. He, who loved me at my worst. He, who loved me without condition, traded all priorities, only to drag me from the feeling of being sidelined. And he, who was the complete opposite of him. He, who had a past I can never accept. How can you possibly be rebuilt, if you're being shattered in the process?

Preparing to self-destruct in 4.. 3...

2010-01-10T23:56:00.000-08:00

When you attend Sunday mass and father says "let go of your anxieties", how exactly do you follow and learn to let go? How do you really let go of what's been eating on your insides for so long, and lead yourself to the threshold of acceptance?

It's cryptic.
For pain disguises itself in a coat of phases, all of which gain access to our weak/er/est points. It occurs for a split second, that a self-destruct button might come in handy when the situation ignites itself and the heat of the moment becomes unbearable. Some people, have so many things to accept, and yet there's a lack of reason, and too little faith to work things out. It's when daddy won't buy little boy the mini bike 3000 unless he gets straight A's in school. It's when a teenage girl spies on her crush every morning only to find him walking one day hand in hand with the most popular girl in school. It's when a college student fails subjects that's about to cost him 5 more months in college, and delay his graduation. It's for a girlfriend who cannot forgive her boyfriend for sleeping with the last girl on Earth she expects him to sleep with. It's for a wife, who just found out about her husband's infidelity.

Don't you wish pain killers were effective enough to reach these things?

Life won't run smoothly when we let the ugly past take the pilot's seat. However, there's the irony that the more you try to forget, the more you remember. No matter how the passage of time gives you a reason to accept, you'd still wish for some way to delete it. For yourself, for someone else, or for the good of both. It's true that most wounds leave a scar, but I hope it's not true that some wounds never heal. I wouldn't want to be running away again.

...2...1.

The 2010 edition

2010-01-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

Tell me what sucks more than spending the whole of Christmas break without internet connection at home? No traveling either.

I've become so sickly, and my cough and colds refuse to leave. They've been with me since the friggin' 24th, sticky company eh? I spent Christmas Eve and the big day itself with the family of course, and my favorite cousins (they who bring all the fun in the world in one place). Cold nights were whiled away drinking vodka and whiskey with my dearests. A nightout wasn't a bad idea as well, but my mom was too much of a killjoy and picked us up before 1am. Some parents. Then I asked for books from my dad as a Christmas present. It's not lame!

New Year was welcomed alright. But I guess I ended 2009 with no finishing touch, and I let 2010 start without a warning. 2009 so far, has been the most eventful year of my life. I never really said goodbye, but I think it's about time I do. I'm looking forward to bigger things this year. Next month JP and I will be celebrating our first anniversary. In 4 months I'll be taking my driving lessons, and 2 months after that, LEGAL AGE! (it's about time).

Sorry if this post is messed up. It's hard to spontaneously squish one eventful season into a number of paragraphs, typing everything that pops out of my mind. I shall be back with something more interesting.

Lie with me and just forget the world

2009-12-22T21:31:00.000-08:00

Since Christmas has been a traditionally joyful season, my way of celebrating is to avoid isolation by making this an excuse to escape from life's depressive attacks. It's not how it's supposed to be, because going by the book, that's not what it's all about. Christmas is so broad that it branches out to emblematic things picturing out deep emotions. I call this ugly part, The Christmas Blues.

When I was fourteen I took on a crazy wild ride. As superficial as it may seem, it became the highlight of my teenage drama queen moments. I felt the same Christmas blues and simply ran away from my young frustrations. I rode my sports scooter after darkness has conquered the skies, got rid of my sense of direction and drove to nowhere. I passed through dim, vacant streets and got chased by stray dogs still free of agitation. I drove so fast my hair flew parallel to the direction of the wind, my lips trembling in cold. It was a nice feeling, to get yourself lost and only nibble a little of worry on how to get back, then swallow it.

I admired my free spirit at my young age, so modern, so peculiar. But as I'm getting older I feel caved somewhere within myself. I don't have the same courage anymore, I am simply deprived. The carefree little girl is now hiding behind a classy and demure Jane Austen character, fortunately not Sex and the City enough. The Christmas blues give the urge to find the young girl who doesn't care about business obligations or financial analysis. This break shall bail her out once or twice again.

But then again,

1. I passed accounting, and all other subjects. I got grades I truly deserved and I'm happy about that. I simply cannot believe that I dropped KASPIL1 when I was in first year for I don't like the professor. When I took it this year, I got the same professor! What irony for he wasn't bad at all. He gave me a 4.0! That's my highest this term and definitely an accomplishment since it's the first 4.0 I got for a non-P.E. subject. I dropped the subject for nothing? The realization strikes badly now, I was severely juvenile.

2. Just before the clock strikes twelve, I want to greet JP an advanced happy 23! Ten months and the flames are still burning. I assume they won't die? Nor fade I hope. Love you :">
Interesting fact: We text each other everyday! As in for ten months, day and night without getting sick of each other :))

Here comes the bride

2009-12-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

Every girl's future dream consists of a long white gown, an altar, and a fine young man waiting for her as she walks down the isle. No matter how frigid a woman may be, there's still a passionate persona inside her wanting a lifetime partner to whom she will initially exchange vows with. As for me, I'm as young as blooming flower (see? Just by comparing myself to a flower, I felt young). The thought of having someone pop 'the question' in front of me has occurred but I'm not yet expecting it, and maybe still not in a couple of years. SO, if you think I got married you are undoubtedly wrong. I am a freakin seventeen-year old struggling through college, you think I have time to get married? I don't even have my driver's license yet :))

Though I don't have the time to get married (how lame is it that I'm using time as an excuse?), I have the time to be a bridesmaid! I was so delighted to hear the news.

My cousin got married and I am beyond happy for her :) Maybe 8 years from now, I'll be wedlocked too. But before that, I am going to celebrate my D.I.N.K.Y. (Double Income, No Kids Yet) moments.

----

For today, I am thinking of the Paskuhan at UST. Hmm?

When Things Change

2009-12-15T14:23:00.000-08:00

When you put a happy girl on a pedestal and she loses her balance, she is most likely to grieve about her fall.

Whatever happened to 'Happiness is a choice'?

Clocks slay time

2009-12-08T22:01:00.000-08:00

It's the freaking 8th of December? Gee. Where did all the time go?

According to C.S. Lewis, the future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.

For the past week, what I have achieved at that rate is my final paper about "The holiday season's effect on prices of goods and consumer behavior". This week, my business case paper about a falling business called 'Print Shop', a report about a fictitious company with multiple databases and a research paper about Maggi Magic Sarap for marketing. For next week, final exams about math, economics, accounting and more math.

To quote what my Marketing professor said,

"You can always transfer if you no longer feel welcomed by your course. That's if you feel like a you're a people person and not just someone who makes love to a calculator" - Ms. Acosta

If this is future, how could one be possibly motivated? I don't know, I'm a pretty confused person. I'm supposed to be living the dream, a beautiful dream that turned into a horrible nightmare. How could an insipid future be looked forward to? And since when did this party girl become miss-all-academic-and-no-fun?

This year, a Christmas wish= a term with no heart-breaking failures + Christmas break free of academics + a good schedule for next term. Oh please, I don't wanna be having classes until 9pm. I'm having a very stressful and relatively sad pre-Christmas. Although, this will be my first Christmas having someone to cuddle and exchange a romantic gift with. The secret recipe to happiness is to always think that even in the darkest hour, there may be light.

Oh the simple joys!

2009-11-28T23:25:00.000-08:00

I am not rightful to be called cheerful as of now. Strangely, my perky side has wandered off and decided not to come back until after some time. I am no longer miss pocket of sunshine, I am as cranky as a nimbus cloud.

Although, there are what you call life's simple joys. You know what they say, big things come in small packages.

The wish for joyous traditions will very soon be fulfilled. I'm one sticker away from a planner that would manipulate my 2010. I promised myself I'd get one before December starts. Triple hoorahs for me! I'm just weird like that. A planner for me is a necessity. It is where I place my agendas that I wouldn't even forget but still choose to write down. The vibrant colors of my felt tip multi-colored Staedtlers marked so neatly on those pages make me want to do my boring homeworks . I get this feeling that if I couldn't design reality, then here's this planner I could turn into a scrapbook and look at on a daily basis. My professor saw my 2009 planner and said with a straight face and solid sarcasm, 'Ano bang ginagawa mo sa buhay mo iha?'

Of course you know this place. The Ayala Museum is where my classmates and I attended a lecture about Chastity Covers, Phallic Implements, and The Boxer Codex. I know it sounds drop dead boring but we only had to spend an hour listening. It was actually funny. Ambeth Ocampo the speaker slash writer showed us drawings of his students from Ateneo when he asked them to draw the infamous 'penis'. If you're wondering, the girls drew too and theirs were even more detailed. It was a good talk, and I actually got lucky and was one (literally one as in the first) to be called as one of the nine lucky winners out of the many hundreds of Superman Rizal shirts (that when worn makes me look like a sack of rice). I also got the free book recently launched by Ambeth Ocampo autographed. Tell me who the geek is.

Horror movies for a double date? Quite thrilling but not considerably joyous. This is just too realistic for a movie I would appreciate. It scared me to death that I don't know how to put myself to sleep tonight. They made the whole movie appear to be caught on amateur video purposely that it made me so dizzy to watch some parts. But the movie still didn't fail to make our hearts drop. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have nearby audiences so scared to death, literally? When the movie ended, a grandma was crying out of fright and a girl on the side was so shocked by the ending that she was staring into thin air not standing up while everybody else was going out of the cinema. The impact is just weird, so if you haven't watched it yet, it's time to snag a seat inside the movie house.

---------

Soooo, has the spirit of Christmas visited you already?

The ugly truth

2009-11-20T23:02:00.000-08:00

is that I haven't blogged lately.

Is it because of...

Lack of inspiration... oh please, every inch of me is armed and loaded with that.

Heartbroken... nah, with a lover like JP, will I ever be? Besides, if I were, I'd probably be torturing this blog with emotional crap.

Busy... majoring in Finance isn't easy, but I admit I cut classes to the point that the study freaks would think I'm losing my path. But hey, I still get good grades.

Got a lot in mind... since it's my first time enrolling as an 'irregular', I feel as if God's punishing me for a mortal sin I have not even committed. Come on, how fucked up could my schedule for next term be? Classes until 9pm? Beat that for a year-starter.

Obsessive-compulsive... got that right. Since I'm sick of my blog's theme, and too lazy to make a new one, I won't blog or even visit my blog too often unless I get everything organized.

Oh well, I've got a schedule to save. Bye.

Friday nights look like this

2009-11-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

I love my friends. We see each other often in school but I missed them. It's been a while since we last did this.

One relationship lesson I have learned from Gossip Girl is that people don't really change, at the end of the day you'll realize that you're still yourself. But no matter how captivating GG appeals to our teenage hearts, once in a while reality gets in the way. I know it's mega cliche but change is constant. No matter how the camera defies true emotions by making us look happy in these photos, it wouldn't do more than just make us look like party people whose parents are not strict and have enough cold cash to buy buckets of beer and unlimited shots of Tequila from an unjustifiably expensive bar. Well not exactly, that's a bit beyond us (albeit we wanna be all that and more, haha. Who wouldn't want that?) Yesternight doesn't stand a chance against our last night out. The only thing I remember before our night has ended was what Liz said "It's not the same." We were there to have fun, so we didn't bother to have a certain methodology as to how we defeated our purpose.

It was almost midnight. After our small crowd has dispersed and I was the only one left from the group, I walked towards Starbucks and grabbed myself a cup of hot chocolate and my all-time favorite cinnamon swirl. Then I realized, 'hey it's almost Christmas'. The planners are out once again, and I thought about our night and told myself "Next time shall be one heck of a ride."

So the greens are fun to play in a sort of morbid way

2009-10-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

At 2:45 am in the morning, I was lying in bed, uneasy, tossing and turning myself in endless agitation, holding myself captive in raging turmoil. I couldn't sleep, I need to sleep.

That is it! I quit. I am no longer going to expose myself to a number of visual entertainments

SOCO gives me the feeling that if those brutal inhumane scenarios could happen to those people involved in the crime scene, then it could to everybody, and I... am no exception! Creeeeps!

Movies and TV shows projecting unexpected, gory deaths. I've already had an overdose of true to life horror and somehow it has been haunting my mind enough to keep me awake all night. I want to close my doors to suspense and all that jeepers creepers-ish things. Although they do give massive entertainment when I'm with my coseys and BFFs. Can I actually keep my word?

The local news (unless needed for academic purposes)- face it, we hate it. The news contains 90% bad news, it's no longer impressive. They honestly have a bad way of enhancing freedom of speech. Can't it be in a justifiable ratio? Like allot 40% for the good stuff?

Have you ever had that feeling?
When you go the cinemas to watch a movie like The Day After Tomorrow or 2012? There's a strange aftermath when you go out and you feel as if life is so cruel and the world is such a bad place to live in, when in fact it is the only one. My dad and I share this same psychological fear. When we go watch as a family, he'd say afterwards, "parang ang sama ng mundo" and in our minds, a requiem of conspiracy starts to play for our morbid thoughts. I thought I was juvenile, but I've reconsidered since my dad has shown his sissy side as well. For consecutive days, I'd feel like I have toxic neuro-acids spilling over my brain's happy juice (not the sexual definition). It's as if every step I make is a fatal decision. It's a far cry from my cheerful persona, leaving me in a constant turmoil.

Yesterday, we went to the faith healer. No no, not be cause I went straight to being a lunatic with my thoughts and all that. He was a friend of my dad's and we went there to visit as a family. He's not like a creepy old man living in an isolated nipa hut somewhere behind the mountains or dark woods (as I have expected, which is quite embarrassing because I felt primitive). He actually lives in a simple house, and he's a well-composed former actor. He was able to read my severe case of dysmenorrhea, and the tension. What I mean is, my thoughts, they give me this tension. Now I carry a bottle of holy water all the time. Sometimes I rub a little on my forehead. Seriously, it drives away the bad vibes. This time I believe it's not psychological. I despise one professor at DLSU who have had students who committed suicide. Why? He's got the skills of an atheist. He's got a strong power to disprove the religious. Sheessh.

Sorry for being crazy all of a sudden.
---

Anyway, let's divert.

THE YEARBOOK! I've seen a few from my batch blogging about their nostalgic moments already. I might get it tomorrow :)

Lastly, my new layout, next week, I'll try my best not to be lazy. :D

"If you let me inside of your world, there'd be one less lonely girl"

2009-10-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

I could temporarily delete everything on my ipod and leave only the songs of this fifteen year-old boy.

Seriously, I'm on a roll. I'm a JB fan, and I barely use the word 'fan'.

----

Thanks to your comments I actually realized I have a life apart from numbers or acads. Soooo..

I went out to Greenbelt with my college barkada and enjoyed an expensive treat from my baby Jules (who is now a man made official by reaching legal age). His driving still scares me.
I've been hanging out at UST and malls near there. Just because, JP is a Thomasian, and it's part of being cheesy to spend time with him.
I am not failing accounting quizzes (wait, this is academic shit right?, oh okay, sorry couldn't help it)
I'm planning to join fun runs with my friends! Hooray to losing a puny portion of my baby fats! Which I will sadly regain when I starve and start to eat like a construction worker.
Why is it that when you are already happy you start missing being bitter (or am I just weird in that sense?)
I'm changing my layout when I'm no longer miss lazy-ass. I know you're tired of seeing 'the girl who painted love gold' everytime you click a link to this page. Be honest, I can accept brutal criticism anytime. I am sick of it as well.

Time to get some Zzzzzzz.

Life is beautiful

2009-10-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

Now where was that coined?

I don't see the beauty in my life of endless pressing wonderful scientific calculator keys, staring at those artistic lines of a 10-column worksheet and how it differs from a ledger. Ledgers are white, worksheets are yellow (this beats roses are red, violets are blue). I'm exhausted from computing interests and bank discounts. Come on. All work, no play, makes Maye a dull girl. I already look five years older than my actual age. How frustrating could this be. *sigh*

Tonight was supposed to be one of my best guy buds' party at Eastwood. Dad didn't allow me to go for one of his parental reasons. Primarily because it's too far from home and he's sure I won't be home before midnight (or a little after midnight). This is not an arranged private party. It's more like we go to the party, not the party goes to us. Get it? Then there's a booze, and dirty dancing (or not). It does not appeal to me anymore. However, my boyfriend's going, there will be drinks and stacked girls and other macabre tales polluting the minds of paranoid girlfriends. I'm not a selfish, jealous, evil, psycho-girl. But I know of certain innuendos pulled by party wackos. I should know how it feels.

Why 'o why? I seem to be less fun these days. I would not blame math or accounting. But they probably deserve a part of the blame. I need some extreme cheering up, a serious getaway. I like basketball, not chess. I like shopping, not home cosplaying. I like nightouts better than movie marathons. I was born to sleep indoors, then spend the rest of my life outdoors. Bail me out please. Beep me, haha.

And oh, twit me up. wanna follow mayeeeah?

It happens

2009-10-02T21:54:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you start to feel the mortality of love?

It can't be stable, that's discernible. But how come we start to feel at some point like we're stuck on a one-way street and there's a dead end somewhere in that dark alley. Love isn't supposed to be a cruel joke that when told so many times, its novelty wears off. But, it happens. When you fail to appreciate the aesthetic level and you seem to ignore what lies beyond, it happens. When the moments that felt nostalgic start to become a forgotten blur, it happens. When you start looking for things unlikely to happen and you get furious for absolutely shallow or no reason at all, it happens.

How do you rekindle to life a dying flame when what's left is no more than a little faith?

It happens.

But I figured, it's crazy to think about this. Bad things come and go. I've been unfair. It happens, and he knows, I'll stay.

This is a symbol of an everlasting love and a never-ending friendship.
Hey, 'til the end. Promise <3

Racism is an unethical crime

2009-09-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

I refuse to make comments about the pitiful destruction brought by the typhoon, since we all know how everyone made efforts to post their stories on the web trying to reach out to people outside the borders of our beautiful island. We have seen the bayanihan, and yet we get these insults. Do these people really think they're incomparable to animals? Well they're worse. Karma can find its own way. Let's leave it to that.

How lucky were you guys? I think we were beyond lucky. No flood on our street, not even ankle-high. I feel bad for my friends, I haven't talked to them yet.

Anyway, classes will resume next week, and here goes my greatest fear haunting me all over again, what do you call the phobia of boredom? Well that, and not having money. I'm grief-stricken. :|

Pinoy Lafs

2009-09-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons why I love Sir Joven.

I received an email yesternight. He posted this on our accounting yahoo group with the subject "Ang Bagong Kinahuhumalingan ng mga Kalalakihan" (although it's quite sad how people make fun of Mommy Dionisia like that, mommy? close? Haha).

By that he has defied one of the qualitative characteristics of the generally accepted accounting principles named relevance, or maybe he's just feeding us icebreakers. We deserve it after being nerve-wrecked studying accounting and then failing and then studying all over again.

Mga kalokohan talaga.
Are you proud to be pinoy? :D

A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles

2009-09-21T11:36:00.000-07:00

That's me! Wearing a red pony tail! :))

Gerald has a way of taking us back to the cheesiest memories.

I can't help flashing a flustered face whenever I recall that we guys don't share any more classes having overnights and fun-o-ramas such as that one. Good times.

Anyway, my first week of 2nd term has passed and it was okay. No better way to describe it. I was just glad that term break's over.

Reasons to hate term break:

1. No allowance= I can't hang out!
2. I was bored by the internet.
3. I was stuck watching MTV 'cos I flipped through the channels and there was nothing better. I had to listen to Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me, n times a day!
4. Homework seemed like a good idea.
5. I had more time to kill and I spent most of it entertaining philosophical thoughts. Is an unexamined life really not worth living? Shuddup Maye.
6. I can't help thinking about the fact that I have an expected deja vu coming up. Accounting, here I go again.
7. I missed JP even more.

Wish me better fun ahead :D

When a woman loves a man

2009-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

And when she says, "I'll never speak to you again",
She means, "Put your arms around me from behind
as I stand disconsolate at the window"

He's supposed to know that.

- an excerpt from When a Woman Loves a Man, David Lehman

I was outside, it felt like a lifetime since I stared at those starless Southeast skies. Sometimes sappiness knocks on your doorsteps at the most untimely of moments.

Because I am proud

2009-09-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

As promised
I am back with my post-failure entry.

I have an unexpected guest. Bitterness. A little speck is crawling up to me.

Cut the drama. It's partly fear of chagrin, partly loss of time, and for the most part... the really pitiful label. I'm an "irregular". I can already imagine being a non-priority during enrollment. All those leftover slots for in demand subjects, mine for the taking. I can't wait *rolls eyes*

It's all that that I'm so bitter about. I... I failed. When I was in BSE-English, I never failed. I was a slacker, I cut classes like crazy, and yet the lowest grade I get is the 'average'. Go figure. Now I'm finally tasting it, this not-so-edible failure. Well I've accepted it. It was just that I was a few points away from passing, but then she was inconsiderate, and it ended there. See you again ACTBAS1 classmates (that's the sunny side of the catastrophe, there were many of us, I'm not alone).

This additional bad news makes me feel as if I'm disintegrating even more. This week didn't start off as desired. I feel like a paperdoll, like I'm not quite three-dimensional. But I am undoubtedly 3-D, still. I guess I'm more like an origami. I was folded into this stagnant figure. I was made, I was loved, but I was created through a single pattern. I've been meaning to alter that pattern, desperately, out of wanting to shape myself the way I want it to.

What I'm saying is, I can't stand living in others' expectations. Do you feel me? No? Nevermind, haha.

<----- wanna cheer up mini-me?

Pre-failure thoughts

2009-09-02T15:32:00.000-07:00

I am totally the one to blame for my demise for I have been very lazy. I'm slacking off right now, when I'm amidst near failure, and my accounting finals is just a few hours of sleep away.

Some people have this thing for giving up. There are just some things the body and even the most determined minds cannot handle. I'm a breathing, living epitome of a lazy individual thinking of sugar-coated worst case scenarios. That's it, I'm facing failure, sometimes it offers a certain sweetness. It comes with a bag of marshmallow lessons and cotton candy regrets sprinkled with rainbow-colored realizations, delectable! Imagine the treat! I was thinking, repeating ACTBAS1 would not be so bad. I mean, my bright friends have failed it not only once but a number of times. Whatever happened to 'great minds think alike?' Okay, I guess I'm wrong on so many levels. Stop comparing Maye. To say it straight punch, I just gave up, I'm holding my reviewer and nothing is sinking in.

I wanted to be that person to prove "The Great" (quote and quote emphasized) Rousseau that he is W-R-O-N-G wrong! He did not only believe that women are naturally inferior and submissive, but he also put great emphasis on the notion that the sexes should be separated believing that women lacked the intellectual capacities of men. Ya feelin' me ladies? What a filthy sexist (maybe he was unmarried, or had bad experiences with women enough to take it personally, or worse, maybe he's a 50- year old virgin). But then I guess we all have variations in point of views but forgive me, my pseudo-feminist hormones are acting up. Haha. I guess it's not an issue of being bereft or hating the opposite sex. I learned something inspiring from one of my classes

"You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman"
- Jane Galvin Lewis

But then again, I'm lazy, and by saying all that crap I made things worse by deliberately contradicting myself and hurting my own ego. HAHA. So, I leave this job to someone more reliable. Whoever you are, redeem me. :))

So here it comes, ACTBAS1? I'm failing ACTBAS1! My first academic failure in my entire life :( I guess I just wasn't cut out for Accounting. I've realized that three months ago. I'm still waiting for the results though, but my hopes have withered away and I am left with the trouble of having to repeat this subject (I'm assuming I'll fail as to lessen the burden of having false hopes) and because I'm a glass half empty, but mostly because I was lazy.

I'll be back with my Post-failure post.

Post drafted last August 30, 2009.

Note to Self: STOP RUNNING AWAY

2009-08-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is a common notion that people take. Admit it, some of us act as if we're runners on a marathon, and at such a fast pace, we're unaware that we're running away from the finish line. It's either you just want to escape from the fiasco by taking a pitiful detour, or you're eager to see the checkered black and white line signifying your near success, but you don't know that you're making things harder by running backwards.

There comes a point when we have to face certain dilemmas, but I don't like dilemmas, I was always an expert in running away (not literally I guess. If I were a track and field contestant, my opponents have already finished 4 laps, and you'll see me panting halfway on my first lap). I'm not usually impulsive. I never really liked superfluous consultations because I depend on my own pragmatic decisions. It's just sometimes I feel like I'm a goner. Cowardice has this tendency to wrap itself to the whole of me, and I've got every reason to feel like there's no other way but to avoid things. Run and don't face the stupid mayhem. There's no better solution than this. And all this time I thought I was brave. I thought finding an escape would bail me out of the dark alley and go back to being the proud flamboyant girl I was. I thought the fire exit was much more interesting than the usual doorway. I was wrong, too wrong in fact.

...I ran away when I was supposed to be wrapping up my papers for a subject by skipping class.
...I ran away when I was supposed to be studying for finals, but I didn't because I chose to attend parties, drink, and dance 'til dawn. I chose to cram. I chose to be that lazy-ass bitch.
...I ran away when I was supposed to be there for a friend.
...I ran away when I had a fight with my boyfriend. I ran away when I chose to turn off my fone and ignore him, I ran away when I said I wanted a cool off. I'm blessed that he's the total opposite of me. That same night, he went all the way from Manila to Paranaque, at 9pm, carrying twenty-three roses, tears falling down from his face. He snuggled up to me and didn't want to let go. In front of my parents. I ran away when I chose to step on his pride.

It's not always that people are gonna be solving my problems for me. I have to start dealing with things by facing them. I dare not to ostracize what's left of my courage.

I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee

2009-08-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

"Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat."

It's astonishing to be able to place coffee at the center of the essentials to living a great life. Caffeine- the world's most widely used drug. I'm not addicted, it just helps me, really. Just not on a daily basis (I still care for my health you know).

Coffee has helped me survive the sleepless nights I spent studying. It has kept me awake when the words, numbers and symbols seemingly start to jumble all by themselves. It used to be a colossal part of my morning routine. Nothing felt better like seeing the sun rise above you with a cup of coffee in hand. All these years that I've devoted myself to books, coffee has been there. Reading a good book will not be complete without the company of its perfect blend- latte, espresso, cappucino, you name it. Coffee has been my best friend (before I fell irrevocably in love with shoes). I always find solace in doing good o'l stuff in my repertoire list with a cup of coffee to go along with it.

I read a good quote about a physician saying love is the best cure for most sicknesses. If it doesn't work just double the dosage. It could've been better if she finished it off with something like 'but do not overdose'. Anyway, another one is it's general knowledge that alcohol is applied to wounds. It's a disinfectant. They say this is the reason why people drink when they're broken. True? But when you get a hell of a hang over, you turn to a cup of coffee. True again. I didn't really have to go through the whole alcohol thing (because I'm not emotionally broken) - I am so random. I just want to justify related facts.

Around five and a half hours ago, I was attacked by my frailty. Never did I show anybody how weak I could be. I guess apart from the tears I shed from watching movies that inevitably touch the soul, I couldn't remember the last time I found myself in tears for realistic reasons. Today was bad vibes + negative aura prison break. It's pathetic to think really, as if you're pressing the rewind button of your life's movie, and 5.5 hours from this very moment, you see yourself sitting on the bathroom floor, with your clothes on, both hands covering your face. You were crying for only one reason, down to another, and then a few moments later you're crying for all those instances that you failed to expose a dramatic outburst, those times that you should've cried but you didn't. Well, that was a once in a decade scenario. I rarely find myself in such a weird moment- must be the caffeine rush. Press forward. I pulled myself back together, went downstairs, grabbed my notes and my laptop, then made myself a cup of coffee. Bring on another sleepless night.

If it's gonna be a rainy day, there's nothing we can do to make it change.

2009-08-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

... We can make this last forever, so please don't stop the rain.

I am in love with the song

-----

The best things in life are Duty free.
It feels like the era of the unknown since I last went here. I guess I can't help sensing the impracticality despite being given this so-called 'privilege'. The prices only look affordable if you don't convert and change the currency. Wow, I sounded cheap back there. I'm not so lavish afterall.

I love spending time with my *fingers crossed* "future in-laws". Haha. Although this time only his mom and one of his sisters were with us. But still, four is a crowd right? UBE!!!.

I digress.

The first big fight of the UAAP season! Instead of the usual head-bashing (using cheers and firing insults) between the green and blue team, the loss of our dear former president Cory Aquino brought temporary unity between us. Majority of the spectators wore yellow (we did too!), but some were persistent on supporting their universities. "One color, One goal", all falls back to one ending. In order for one to prevail, the other must lose.

0.8 seconds before the end of the game. A deuce was utterly unacceptable! So an extension of five minutes was given.

But we ended up in tears. HAHA. It was hard enough that I almost lost my voice trying to shout at the top of my lungs when all my companions were non-lasallians. My cozeys are from UP and PUP, and they've been Ateneo supporters for as long as I can remember (they were forced to sit at the DLSU side, they couldn't cheer for ADMU in there, BWAHA). JP's from UST and my brother's only in High School but he was as loud as an archer striking eagles with arrows of vaunt. I ended up teaching them the cheers, but it was no use. Epic fail talaga, haha. Good game though.

I'm not really the type to fall down on my knees and melt with shame. Clearly, did anybody expect us to win? Duh. :))

Ang lossaaarr natin archers!
---

A part of me is yearning to watch P.S. I Love You all over again. I can't get over Holly singing and dancing to "Get off! Twenty-three positions in a one night stand" while his husband who forced her to go on stage was having an erotic moment. Talk about romance :))

How to Fall In love in 34 Minutes

2009-07-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

1. Find a complete stranger.

2. Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.

3. Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for 4 minutes.

York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying why people fall in love and came out with a very simple technique to get the chemistry going.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

Makes it sound so easy.

Although I'm not loveless, I wish it was always as easy as that. Thirty minutes of blabber and four minutes of googly-eyes can make you feel the chemistry of love. But what does it take to make you stay? Just staring into each other's eyes in a number of minutes is not enough to make you head over heels for the rest of your life. Gone are the days of primitive serenading, but effort still counts.

Nobody can tell whether it was destiny (which I don't believe in) or simply a fluke, but only a few people find true love the first time they fall. Others are meant to have unfavorable experiences. Nevertheless, let's not let the chemistry of love take over our teenage hearts. You don't want to wake up one day in bed with a guy you've been in a relationship with for one year, and look at him, with that same stare, but devoid of the same feelings, realizing it was only his body that you wanted. (if it's bothering you, I'm not referring to myself! Please scratch that image on your mind. Haha. I read a similar story at some webby).

Dare to try? :>

-------------

I turned seventeen yesterday :D
It didn't really make much of a difference from last year (or the year before that). Birthdays rarely make a lucky fall on a weekend, and since we've all got crucial priorities, celebrations are often moved to the nearest free day (if not neglected). So yes, I'll celebrate, before this week ends. Yesterday I woke up to cease the consecutive vibrations under my pillow. When I went online, my Facebook wall was flooded, and I was personally greeted several times. I really did appreciate it. People I didn't even expect a greeting from took a little effort, I'm so shallow - I was pleased. Since the time I felt myself break away from childhood, birthdays no longer make me feel special. It was just another plus one to my age. Apart from this girly pink laptop I asked from my dad, since the old one was starting to be inconvenient, I received another special gift.

At first I thought it was just an enlarged picture. But obviously, I was wrong. Haha. It's a framed painting (or a sketch?). Whoever sketched this made him look a little less pogi. :)) I wonder how some people can manage to be so idealistic. This beats my gift on his birthday. I just gave something common, because I'm way conventional and I suck. :))

When your girlfriend's a die-hard shop-aholic, and you wanna give her something she doesn't have yet, what would that be?

He was able to give an answer. *clapclap*
Man, I really do have a great boyfriend.

"Meeting him was fate, being close to him was by choice, but falling in love was beyond my control"

2009-07-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (^^,)

To the guy 1.) Who has been here for me for seemingly countless days 2.) Who bailed me out of the "bitter book club", took away all the frigidness, and brought back to life my long-dead cheesiness and genuine sense of affection 3.) Who never fails to surprise me with his chivalry, surprise visits, sweet notes I find everywhere(specifically in my planner, columnar notebook, side table, pencil case, novels and how could I forget this one, inside the Cinderella plastic bag along with my party dress which we bought during that special day. That of which my friends tell me why I conspicuously fell in love). And the love letters! Let's admit it, this is LOVE meets SHAME. You can count with your fingers the guys you know who still write them. It's just so... radical. Yet it has a great impact on a normal teenage girl's crushing-heart. Despite his indiscernible, puny handwriting, I felt jiggly all over from constantly receiving them (considering he snail mailed two of those). 4.) Who crashes into our house when I'm sick only to take care of me and see if I'm okay, knowing I wouldn't allow him to because it's too much effort to travel an average of two hours just to reach me. I could still handle myself, as far as I know, I wasn't dying. Besides, I look hideous when I'm sick. 5.) Who despite our distance (since he stays in Manila during weekdays to lessen transportation problems in going to school) proved evidently that he remains faithful. 6.) Who (in relation to number 4, about looking hideous) tells me I'm beautiful and how lucky he is to have me, at times when I'm absolutely make-up free, with frizzy, uncombed hair while wearing loose rag-like clothes I feel so comfortable wearing at home. I can tell he was trying to buoy me up, but still I feel he means it let alone the truth. 7.) Who never gets turned off by my awkward actions, and occasional weird-om. 8.) Who tolerates my mood swings, PMS, and unpredictable attitude like he's carrying the patience of the most virtuous man alive. When we're both throwing a fit out of some argument, he wouldn't last half a day ignoring me. He's the kind to condone my intolerable acts, and when I persist on getting angry, he'll do everything it takes for us to be okay again, and never did he fail to make my heart melt each time. 9.) Who desperately tries not to get me bored, to the point that he saved topics in his draft box, just so he could initiate a conversation topic after topic without running out of things to talk about 10.) Who cried (HAHA) when I complained about feeling something's missing in our (I hate saying the word for no-good reason but nothing else would fit this statement better) relationship, and when he felt lonely about being away from me as if we're light-years away. 11.) Who tries to be close to my family, and won them over eventually. 12.) And to even the odds, he shows me off to his family and friends while holding my hand, like he's the most proud guy in this lifetime. 13.) Whose embrace is the most comforting thing in the world. 14.) Who kisses me on the forehead everytime we see each other. I know it's unlikely for some, but for me, it's highly more romantic than a passionate lip lock. 15.) Who marries me in all social networking website accounts we have in common. HAHA. 16.) Who often gets jealous which has an unbelievably rainbow-y side. He tells me "I trust you, but I'm just so afraid to lose you". That alone compensates everything. 17.) Who tries to please me relentlessly, changing the way something used to be just so it would turn out the way I want it to. 18.) Who's also my best friend, the one who listens to my problems and even gossips. We're attached at the hip, so close that there's no sense of awkwardness anymore. 19.) Who clips my picture on his bedroom wall, and kisses me goodnight through it when he misses me. 20.) Who worries so much when I go to nightouts that he waits for my text and doesn't sleep until I reach home (which is probably only a few hours to sunrise) 21.) Who made me feel like the most loved and cared for person, which is one of a girl's melodramatic dreams. 22.) Who never lets a minute pass without making me feel he loves me. 23.) He might not be that hunky and all-sporty athlete, the ultimate super-popular campus crush girls would slap faces and pull each other's hair for, the versatile musically inclined guy who can serenade or do hip-hop, the adventurous guy who can take you to places where boredom doesn't exist or that guy who's been bathing in money and luxury cars. I've been dreaming of them for too long while the simple, a little bit of everything guy's right in front of me. How he made me feel was something any other guy could never do, which makes him so much better than all those dream guys combined. After almost half a year, I still have no regrets, and I never will. I know, I got the best.

Since I wrote this feeling high on ardour and inspiration as if I'm on cloud nine, you might think I sugar-coated things and went blind on the darker side of certain scenarios. WRONG! Twenty-three reasons, and still I feel I understated all that he's given me. Indeed, words are not enough.

I LOVE YOU JP :">

Okay, ang cheeessyyy. I'm not used to blogging about my feelings for somebody. I haven't been always direct to the point when I squish him into my entries. But since today is special, let's just say this is a birthday letter open for public viewing. It's your day hubby! You deserve the best :)

P.S. He's only four days older than me, which means I'm having my birthday by mid-next week. I don't know how I'm going to celebrate. It's only my 17th anyway (YES, I'm only turning 17 and often the "youngest lass in class", for some vague reasons I went a little advanced). If my day of the year goes well, I'd probably spill the details. Bye!

FINALLY

2009-07-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

It's a promising moment to say the word 'FINALLY!'. Whether it be for the puniest reason, or something as grand as saving your life when it was literally hanging by a thread. It's the most fulfilling utterance right after the big bang theory had a spectacular encore inside your chest. Immediately after the loud and devastating explosion, you can't help but say one word to compensate and let it all out. And then you feel it, JOY - finally, it's all over. After having lucidity fail you, after the consistent fears, mistakes and mandatory punishments not caused by parental authority but rather by guilt, it's perfect bliss to see all negative aura wither away, leaving you with yet another lesson learned. That's just how we roll right? We're high on drama. It's part of our frantic sick days and we rant while living it. What a fudge.

Today I managed to live through my Accounting midterm exam. I racked my brain out trying to finish it. One work sheet is equivalent to one long sigh with a double-purpose. It's both a sigh of relief and a sigh silently screaming "I'm pulling out another worksheet, and there's more to come". There's no assurance as to whether I'll pass or fail, but it feels good just to write the last digit on my last worksheet. What relief.

But this state of superficial happiness, it only comes temporarily. Our weary moments return at regular unexpected intervals. In my case, I'm expecting it. Things are slowly slumping down from rainbows and butterflies to a complete mess. What a waste. What a waste.

I miss...

2009-07-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

I always rant about everyday being an endless cycle and how I can't find a way to stop it from circling round and round. But now, things went topsy-turvy. How gnarly is it that now that my days are not normal, I'm longing for another day that I'm gonna start breathing easy again? Yesterday I was panting, and today I still am. When you ask for your days to stop being normal just so you would enjoy the twists of living your run-of-the-mill teenage life, it means you are asking for a random peepeetee-popetee-boo, a realistic event that would make you ecstatic. But not this, you wouldn't ask for this in your lifetime. Fever, cough, colds, sore throat, bad luck, mood swings, paranoia attacks all in one sitting. What tremendous thing did I do to deserve such bad karma? I can't even finish a sentence without letting out a series of coughs. I just want to feel better, even emotionally. I'm worrying about some things, and they are better left unsaid, or just silently prayed for.

I know we all have our weary moments but I'm hoping this'll end soon. I'm feeling so bad. I miss my dry, snot-free nostrils, I miss the word boring, I miss real fun too, I miss being carefree (not the panty liners), I miss it. I miss not having to worry about anything- at all. Oh please miss me too :'(

Fate and Goodbyes

2009-07-01T21:08:00.000-07:00

College has gotten a little flimsy these days. It's a real distress not to be that freshman I was just a year ago. Those days when I looked forward to every school day, only to indulge in almost infinite freedom I never had back in high school. But now, I'm lacking reasons to blog about it, it has become a routine like everything else. And so, I'm leaving the fate of my college life to serendipity.

On the other hand, other pieces of my life have been quite tragic. Not exactly my life, but I feel involved. Unlike some families, our family tree is rather compact, and so what one feels is certainly felt by the other (most of the time). I can't help but feel sorry for my favorite cousins (a.k.a. my numero uno BFFs) who are still devastated by the loss of their dad. It was startling like most deaths. We had to travel to Pampanga to pay a visit to their hometown last weekend. Although we only drained stories to tell and laughed throughout the night, I can see how they try to hide the pain. Sympathy is not a cure, and that's the only thing we could offer if they show their grief. Ate Hazel told me that, they were trying to cease the bursting of tears by joking around like their usual selves. We all felt lonely intrinsically of course. On the second day, we ended up playing poker since we unbelievably ran out of stories. On normal days, we're natural blabbermouths (it runs in the family). Oh how I missed them! We barely see each other since we all went to college and entered different universities. We're all scattered in Manila, and apparently, some of us were a little busy. We never expected we'd see each other again at such a horrifying event :(

Too bad Ate Hazel was the one who took the picture. She's the missing piece.

Dad was our dealer, I won all the chips in three consecutive rounds (we were using piso as chips :))

If you noticed, I chopped my hair off. You are not deceived by your eyes, it is too short. Sometimes I miss being able to tie my hair up or style it in various ways. But anyway, this'll do for now. I feel comfortable with it. Maybe next year I could have my dream hairdo. Long brown hair with lovely curls down the back. \m/

P.S. (out of topic) I haven't watched Transformers 2 yet. Although everybody's saying it's worth watching, I feel lazy. Ang loser ko! But if ever I change my mind and realize Megan Fox is worth getting my butt off the chair (which is a hundred point one percent true but since I'm lazy, the fact would not dawn on me enough to sink into my brain), then I might as well watch and catch that scene when she was on a motorcycle driving like she's the hottest creation ever (which is true once again, c'mon! even girls drool for her! RIGHT?)

That Thing...

2009-06-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

"That thing...

That moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person, and you realize that that person is the only person you´re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life.

And for one moment, you get this amazing gift, and you wanna laugh, and you wanna cry 'cause you feel so lucky that you found it... and so scared that it'll go away at the same time" - Drew Barrymore, Never Been Kissed

Nah-uh, someone did not get her first kiss just now. Haha. This appears ineresting though. Before going back to school (oh heck I missed breathing that used-to-be A(H1N1) infected air), I was broke, so all I did was stay at home and flip the channel because I couldn't stand any more of the internet! (I never thought it was possible). I happened to watch this kinda old movie. Anyway, I thought it made sense really. Did you? I mean... it's true right?? :"> (uyyy, in love na in love ang dating, haha)

Vacation's over sleepyheads, it's time to overwork!

"Life is taking our photographs. We often pose the way we want to be seen by others, but stolen shots capture who we really are"

2009-06-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

EDWARD LIM!!!, thank youuuu!
I tell you when it comes to photography, he's a real prodigy

I'm gonna be profound once again. I've been having heavy days doing nothing (there's a strong irony in that statement) that I've got overflowing time to stare into thin air and think about life's spectacular enchantments, the mystery behind catharsis, and fatalism (although I never really believed anything was pre-destined). I've been reading a novel about Philosophy (Sophie's World), which is not in my field of interest but is rather obligatory that I'm almost as nuts as the main character. I never really liked Philosophy you know, why not just live and never mind questions about life and origin? I believe God forbid that we have the knowledge to ever discover, because if He didn't, we would've known by now and our theories would've vanished, so why go against nature? I bet a philosopher would hit me back with an annoying answer.

This is my rebuttal I guess because I still couldn't accept that I'm required to study Philosophy. HAHA. I only have a mellow and easy-going outlook in life, there's no room for questioning my existence so I'm really not in on this. I had an abrupt flashback where I read one line saying "You don't need to know all things in life, just the ones that would make you happy". It must be a real torment not to know what would make you happy. I'm glad I do, and I never needed Socrates or Plato to know :)

You know who you are, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU. ♥

----------------
P.S. Yes I updated the post as of June 7. Cars, you were not just sleepy yesterday, hahaha.

I never thought I'd be concerned

2009-06-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

For some sick reason, I'm liking school. I guess it was just the absence of studying for a month, that I actually missed it (what do you know), or maybe because I kinda enjoy the new ambiance (I shifted to a new course, therefore, I'm in a new college with the same prosaic animo spirit nevertheless) or I just missed my college friends, or all of the above. Overall, I don't know what in the world's elements made me crash to this sudden euphoria, but definitely, I've been wearing a colossal (yes, that's the word I'd like to use) smile for days and it's very rare that I wear it off. I figured I'm not crossing the mediocre string after all (academically speaking)- but when it comes to style, we're against flamboyance as long as the newly-implemented dress code is concerned, goodbye sexy legs on campus!

But then, let's break the ice. Let this news flash hit us. Classes are suspended for 10 days at DLSU-Manila because of an exchange student having swine flu! TELL ME I HAVE NO REASON TO BE PARANOID! Haha. My college friends and I kid around exchanging goodbyes (you know, in case we all caught it). LOL. Anyway, the virus has got me worried, but what's really bothering me is where I'm supposed to get my allowance for 10 days now that classes are suspended :(

Exhilarate

2009-05-24T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well. I'm down to a day before the official doom of my summer. If you think this'll get me weary, you're totally getting it wrong. I think I've had enough chill pills for a month. I'm ready to get excruciated by Accounting and Math you have never imagined (no heavy sarcasm intended). I appear to be seriously hyping up for academics, but much to some people's disappointment, I'm still not. I was never a megabrain plus I'm lazy, I deserved all 3 terms getting a GPA that's 0.1 away from the Dean's list average (imagine if I didn't cut class on a quiz day, I could've gotten myself in the list). So I was a centimeter close to being a DL. Mike told me last term, "Maye, always the bridesmaid, never the bride" Stupid as it is, I lose focus whenever I'm trying to focus. I'd rather meet mediocrity at some point. They say it's the new "norm", and I guess I'll stick to it (having the least of standards). Who likes being stressed? We're all too fly for that. HAHA. But cheers anyway to the damsels in "mental" distress (good luck to your knights). I'm good as long as I'm not failing and I receive regular allowance. But don't get me wrong, I'm definitely in for a bright future, I'd still study, I'm just playing laidback. I've been to a lot of summer events lately, I'm just a little bitter about saying farewell to unlimited fun time.

Honestly, I've outgrown Koreanovelas. I'm not bonkers over BOF either (that's because I never watched and never planned to). - But I'd have to say, this cuteness is irresistable.

Skip a beat

2009-05-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the dark, two and a half hours past midnight, in this same old dining room breathing that familiar home-y air for almost 17 years. I feel strange, like my heart momentarily collapsed. This is what it feels like to succumb to your inner self. When your thoughts are heavy and suddenly you blurt out something that would make others feel bad. Then it triggers your sense of guilt somewhere beneath you, and immediately, you step on your pride and almost drop down to your knees only to let the heartbreak quickly dissipate. Because it tears someone apart, while you stand still, wondering what to say next. Sympathy was never an option, I love you just isn't enough, I just needed to speak. "All the things I needed to say but didn't know how to" Nobody said it was easy. But in time, we'll know, we'll know.

Hip and Happy

2009-05-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

Apparently things have been pretty normal ever since I came home from Bora. I sure dread the thought that that would be my last take off this summer. I really hope not - I haven't made the most out of it yet (I haven't even made it halfway, give the poor girl a chance) *sadface*

Anyway, do you get that feeling? When you're asking for some random fiasco to hit you just so you wouldn't reach the state of ultimate bleakness? Well, I do. There's always a wrong in being totally normal. Having tedious days as a routine is utterly tiresome, let's give our lives a twist people, spell e-x-t-r-a-t-e-r-r-e-s-t-r-i-a-l. But as for now, the only strange thing that's happening is that my 6-year old brother is going bonkers over Lady Gaga. He's "6" and he thinks Lady Gaga's "sexy". He watches her videos on YouTube (including the really raunchy ones) n/24 hours. What's weirder is that he calls me "honeypie" and he gives me gifts in Pet Society along with a message saying "slapass". Geez, kids grow up real fast nowadays. I couldn't even blame the exposure to liberation because sometimes I think it's cool. HAHA. Call me the tolerant sister :))

--------

(never mind the quality, I still don't have a new cam, so i'm using my fone)
Let's get our teen hearts beating faster. Haha. I found these notes in my planner and in my favorite book. They're just two out of I've lost count. He loves surprising me (which compromises the fact that I love surprises). Simple things like this make up my day. Has anybody made up yours? :)

We're talkin' beach... babe.

2009-04-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

You know what BUMMER means??
It's when you go to Boracay and both your digi cams get busted. YES, that's exactly what it is :|

But I'll be thankful at the very least that they both broke on our 2nd day sweet stay. I was still able to take some snaps (I expected I'll get more pics this year but then again, as the ancient cliche goes, shit happens). But I'm still having fun ya know. They give excellent service here. So nice, so nice, let's get on with our lives.

I'm on my 3rd day here, and I can't wait to go back home (I never thought I'd say that, I was definitely someone who can't set foot for 1440 minutes at home). Maybe because I miss my everyday buddies, cousins and friends who invade the house like it's some sort of chill spot for them, and of course JP most of all. He's the top invader and my favorite one, haha xD

But this is such a cool place (ironically speaking), and I love it here. I just wish I had my "other" favorite people here with me. It would've been a blast!

Ayt, back to the beach, I'll be back when I wanna be back. haha.

The art of doing nothing

2009-04-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

I am rejoicing on my success. I know it's still a week before course card day, but I already feel successful just by finishing the last paper I had to accomplish this term. I feel so gay - literally. All cheerful and perked up!

FOR NOW, I'm on the same page with everybody else who's not enjoy their horrific summer. Only for now. No parties, no beach trips, not even the mall's enticing charm attracts me -at least not yet. The only mall I have ever been to since holy week was that crappy SM mall. And it only takes a 5-minute jeepney ride to get there. I don't know why I'm torturing myself being a couch potato here at home. I confuse myself sometimes. It's reasonable when I'm broke, but when I'm not, I could do plenty of things, but I'm lazy, oh-so-lazy. It's the heat - definitely. I noticed I've been eating a lot too. I'll be a perfect circle with a tiny head attached in a month if I keep this up. HAHA. Right now I wish I was an exercise bulimic. You know, so I could just run around, not get bored and be a popsicle stick when classes start next school year.

It's not until next week that I could take off and fly to the beach. Apparently, I'm not enjoying home either. So what boring things do I do to kill the time? Yes I procrastinate. By sleeping, by writing nonsense, and letting all my creative juices flow by designing my planner. I don't even know why I bother designing it and keeping it organized. Maybe because I'd like to keep it so someday I can look back and reminisce. It looks like a scrapbook really :D

Anyway, did you notice this post lacks sense? YES. I'm just bored. HAHA. Are you guys bored too?

On Things Left Undone

2009-04-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

I still continue to write... to add up to my unfinished compilation of writings. I am so fond of starting it smooth that everytime I make a single mistake, the paper crumples in my hand. Balls of crumpled paper going straight into the trash bin.

My Love,
It's insane that I could still address you the same way. I must be truly mentally deranged... for not being able to forget, for the useless unproductive attempts to move on. It has been 5 months, 12 days, 3 hours and countless minutes since you bade me goodbye. There wasn't a good in our goodbye. How will I ever forget that night? The park felt like the most solemn of all places. We were swallowed by this pitch-black darkness, that it felt like falling into an abyss if it weren't for the soft illumination of the full moon above us. We were in that same old nipa hut, where we first met, lying on our backs, staring at that same old sky with those many stars shooting forth bursts of light. Whenever I look at them, I see the future we could have had. If it weren't for treason, it's something I've always feared, it's a stab right through my chest.

It was a small gathering, you were introduced by my friend's long-time enemy. How odd instances could be! I knew there was that spark of admiration, like a secret conviction we both shared. We continued seeing each other, and I knew I needed you more than a sustenance. With you there was that sense of natural belonging. A manic-depressive like me forming this tandem with a freak by vocation. You never failed to turn my frowns upside down with your deadpan humor. It was then that I was subjugated, every moment you captivated me.

...and that was where I left off. It's not just because I couldn't exactly relate to my character, it's just that... it's been odd lately. I've been so full of scattered words I could not shape into lines. Only chunks of vague thoughts I could not patch together to create a fascinating story. It's always in partial, I always start with something good without knowing how to end it. My brain's stuffed with stray lines inspired by different things but I never worked out anything whole. I always start doing things in the most comfortable places, where I feel most complacent, so I could start with the best I could come up with, and with a soft swagger I'll show it off, but only the beginning, because the latter part becomes flimsier and flimsier, which makes the whole thing rather prosaic, in a way that it doesn't matter how beautiful the beginning is.

I had a profound reflection. Sometimes, it's not really good to give the best you've got at the beginning. Not only in writing, but in everything you do. It could break the desire to continue, because you feel like you could not give any more. Although, on the brighter side of things (if you are not me, in other words) there's always a room for perseverance. You could start with your best, and finish by beating your best. Now do you see my dilemma? I can't do it, I'm lacking something I could not discern. I have so many things I haven't finished, and I don't know how to put the final period to it.

Oh Well, I guess it would take some time to figure out.

ANYWAY, let's get on with the less dramatic part.

I had my first splash this summer. It's only nearby though, at Les Caraibes, Batangas. It just gave me that plain old summer-y feel. But that was a good start.

Mom and Ate Len, strolling.

Drinking the night away :))

The sun is waiting

2009-03-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

I can't help but envy those people who could finally say "YEESSS! I survived my first year in college!" because I have less than a month to go before I could scream the same words and I feel like it's taking forever. While my other friends are looking forward to a suntan at the beach, hunting for the best SPF lotions and sexy bikinis, planning sizzling outings, or simply chillin' at home burning their butts in the sofa, I'm here cramming my way out of stress, finishing final projects, let alone reading the novel My Brother, My Executioner that's boring the hell out of me (sorry for the mockery Mr. F. Sionil Jose) I'm in dire need to finish it in a week for my final paper.

I'm more than eager to say "it's finally over, I'm gonna have a break!" that I barely have time to fix myself. Before, I mind a lot of things like what the freakin' hell should I wear to school, because almost everyone's acting like a fashion police who exiles fashion rejects with the wrath of their evil stares. I was a paranoid at the thought of being either underdressed or overdressed would scream social suicide, and make-up= total subjugation. But now you'll see me around DLSU walking as Ms. Prim and Proper -slash- Plain Jane. I'm bored to death and I don't give a damn anymore, all I wanna do is to get this over with.

BUT... though I'm still not setting aside the fact that school's gonna take away half of my supposedly eventful summer (which is really not practical, but I'll just be thankful because I'll be graduating earlier with this trisem thingy). I have promising plans for my short vacation. Simple, really, what an average teen must do (slacking off not included):P

± Get a summer job
I'm gonna have to admit, if I do this, it's gonna be my first time. I had summer jobs before but it doesn't count since I worked in family businesses. And when I get lazy, I sneak out, they don't whip me when I go back to work, or lessen my salary. So I don't really consider it since this time I have to be inclined and obligated 'cos I wanna show independence as a college girl, and be useful for a change.

± Summer Activities
I've been doing Muay Thai for nyears and even though mom's pushing me to attend this summer. Uh-uh, I'm still thinking about it, she's gonna have to rack my brain out. I want something different. I've got things in mind, and maybe I will go for it. Actually, I want something wack, summer's usually boring so let's have fun.

± Outings/Parties
C'mon, nobody misses this part. Even introverts go for a swim even just once during summer. It's a must. Well, I for one, will never ever miss it, haha. All I need to do now is pack my things and I'm good to go. Dates/flights/hotel reservations are already set. I'm not gonna be a beach bum, I'll party of course. I'm a party animal by nature :))

± Outreach
Yes, I'm an angel O:) haha. Okay, I know you don't believe me but this is not a stir up. I'm willing to do charity work, really. I'm serious, it feels good to help and I'll seize opportunities this summer.

I'm a lover of the great outdoors, so even though "home sweet home" is very appealing, i'm not buying it, haha. Most fun things happen outside. And most of you know me so well, I'm always into having fun. I really don't take things seriously even when I have to. I do sometimes, but with a mix of absurdity that's not really obvious but I'm feeling it in my own schiszo way :)) Later on my friends and I will just laugh about it, on how I could still make fun of serious matters.

Well anyway...

So far, that's what I have in mind. What are your plans?

Cheers to happiness

2009-03-18T20:14:00.000-07:00

An unannounced hiatus- yes I think, that's what you call it

Life hasn't been busy, (well maybe a little). In my case, it's mostly devotion to laziness, finding myself in the real world, the jump and roll abouts, and then ponder on the search for the unsung words to rightfully blog about. And as I have wagered, I find myself stumbling back to where I find true solace- it's here. Who said the drama is over, haha xD

I've been dancing with the wind lately, but no I'm not saying I'm on a partner-less dance and going back to being the bereft of the neighborhood. I just feel like floating today. Intrinsically, HAPPY. That was an understatement, truly, words are not enough. It doesn't really feel like paradise fell on me, but I just decided to be happy. If my theology teacher says love is a decision, I'd say happiness is too. :))

I don't know where to start because events have been cascading on me like a furious storm. But I could name a few significant moments, I'll just be brief on details. Someone will have to pat me on the back to spill everything because again "laziness dominating".

March 6, 2009
Exposure Trip at Lian, Batangas. It was 2-day trip, and it was educational which pretty much fucked it all up, haha. It was fun, generally. But I couldn't help getting pissed when I'm tired and the sun's grilling me. I was hyperactive, evidently enough.

March 13, 2009
The bar-hop! We went to Embassy and Ascend in one night, haha. It was fun I guess! Very memorable. Drinks and dancing match like woah. And I learned a lesson, "revelations ruin things". Ugh, if you're thinking dirty or pervy, no that's not it :|

and yeaaa. DINO was there which meant EXTRA FUN for us. And other stars, make that triple extra fun!

Arrivederci for now :)

9 truths and a lie

2009-03-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

I'm not really up to anything right now. Life is still inconsistent, because if it's not, I might as well be dead right now. But anyway, this post is a late response to Neex. Yup, he tagged me! :))

It's simple really. Just enumerate 9 truths about yourself and one single lie. I'm not supposed to tell you which one's the thorn among the roses. You just have to make a lucky guess, haha xD
(This is sort of a life update I guess :P)

Here goes:

1. I've been partying and drinking quite a lot these past few weeks, and I got into trouble because of that. HAHA. It wasn't really much to make a fuss about (or so I think), I didn't do stupid things anyway, and by stupid, I don't have to be specific, you know what I mean, it's a general thing. I drank. period. My friends are not bad influences :)

2. I passed the qualifying exam and I'm finally under a different roof now. I assume I'm not gonna be happy with Finance, so screw my fickle mind because I might do an internal shift. But still under the same college. More business, less MATH.

3. I wanted to join activities in school to keep myself busy so I joined the Pump up the ANIMO cheerdance. The competition will be held on the last week of March, but they're really into pleasing the crowd, so training's everyday, and it's from freakin' 5-8pm! Though I know this'll help PUMP UP the fats and shake 'em off, I'm a bit lazy (liar, scratch off BIT there). So I haven't attended practice since who-knows-when, and I don't know if I should chicken out by now. (actually I already told Beejae I will, since that time I got grounded from night-outs)

4. I'm married! (I assure you this is not the lie part) haha. I'm married in Facebook. HAHAHA. That was just a trip, it's stated there to whom I am married to. It was funny because JP asked "will you marry me?" first, and it was cheesy, but ridiculous. We were making utter fools out of ourselves, but I admit, for someone like me who's kinda dyke-y when it comes to likes and interests (not preference of the gender to admire okay?), it was kinda sweet. :)

5. My relationship with my family, especially with my parents is super great! Never better. We understand each other so well, and I'm so glad about it.

6. I hate my hair. Never loved it. It's so frizzy, and I wasted so much money for consistent repair and treatment but it just springs back. I hate my hair's resilience.

7. Pet Society gets kinda boring sometimes, but I feel so inclined to play it because I'm kinda obsessed with decorating the rooms. haha xD

8. I'm craving for a lot of things! I wanna complete all of Cecelia Ahern's novels! I love her compositions! and I'm craving for Jelly Belly too. :( I want it so bad!

9. School's kinda okay. But I don't know why I'm being such a lazybutt. Not that I don't complete requirements. I do them because I have to, but I work on the last minute with the least effort I could give. It's frustrating, but at the same time I'm amazed. I got my midterm grade in Lit, and I got a freaking 4.0. Like how did that happen? Sir showed the detailed record and I was surprised, I thought I was going to flunk this subject, but it just turned topsy turvy. 4.0 is like 94-99? I was speechless so I said "ohh, okay", and sir responded "why, do you want a 4.5?? aren't you satisfied?". haha. If there is a 4.5, who in the right mind wouldn't want it?

10. I AM SO HAPPY - can't find other words to describe. I am so happy I get to spend more time with my friends! I'd mention the very special people! College friends of course: Liz, Marj, Jules and Mike, my high school acquaintances who only became my good friends in college: See You When I See You Band: Michael, Jerrick, Linus, Josh the band's groupies! haha. joke -slash- other members of the barkada: JP, Stine, James! GOOOOOOSSSHHH. I LOOOOOOVEEEE YOOOUUU ALLLLLL. I've been having so much fun and you're like 99% of the reason why.

YEAAAAH. You just wasted how many minutes of your life reading this post. I'll be back some other time with a more sensible post.

Life's like Fuck sometimes :|

2009-02-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered why you keep on trying to live a perfect life in an imperfect world, doing good things for an unknown sake, trying to be beautiful and loved but you know in the end, every conscious effort will decompose 6 feet under along with your decaying self, where life ends without knowing what's next? No, it's not exactly a morbid thought, I'm not merely speaking of death, I've been pondering on "purpose".
LIFE IS ABSURD
We have so many questions we can't find answers to. Sometimes it turns silly to even ask about purpose, the answers go in different cycles and yet they come insufficient. Sometimes life plays us, it's ridiculous to think that even destiny could be fickle, because we are the ones who make it up.
We could all be pretty fucked up sometimes, like how I get to have a taste of both heaven and hell in one day. One minute you're jumping for joy and the next thing you know you're running out of tears. I felt bad all the same, everything wonderful withered away so quickly, just like a freaking cotton candy :|

So my story goes like this. I was happy because I'm finally starting to have a life, like really, I felt so out of custody's reach! I spent so much time with my friends, partly doing crazy things (which are not bad by the way, just fun), I got my mystery wish last Christmas (better late than never), and I passed the qualifying exam for shiftees!! In a few months, I'll be officially taking up Finance, I'm surprised too! not only because I passed, but the irony in the fact that I'm a Math hater entering the world of numbers! Everything was hard to absorb really, like the joy was overflowing that it became strangely unfathomable.

Then it just turned gray, tomorrow I'm supposed to be having the best dinner so far this year, I'm supposed to be partying 'til dawn and all purple, I'm supposed to be having an overnight in a glamorous hotel with my extra-beloved girl friends, I'm supposed to be having FUN. It was well planned, like a month before, and just because I went home drunk and can't help myself up (considering JP was the one who picked me up and brought me home) my narrow-minded parents think I'm ruining my life, but it was the first time that that has happened because the drinks were all mixed up and I swear my boyfriend's not a pervert so my mom's gotta stop generalizing, she's turning into a psychofreak for being such a paranoid, even my dad thinks I don't understand them, like I'm taking all their efforts for granted, and I knew they were over reacting, I mean I appreciate everything, and it's not only anger but concern they're showing, but still, the things they told me were really inconsiderate, like they don't know me at all. We argued like fuck when I got sober. I'm not allowed to go on night-outs anymore, and they don't trust me, and mom doesn't want me to have a boyfriend because she says it doesn't matter if I'm mature I'm still a kid, and it's really disappointing that they can't set things straight. They were mad that I'm not being open to them, so I told them I was afraid because I knew they were not that receptive, and then they said, even if I open up to them, they still wouldn't allow me to do things they don't like. Geez, talk about loo-loo. So it was apparently all psychodrama, they simply overreacted, like getting drunk once would ruin your whole life. What a waste. :| So I just ignored it, I don't seem to mind much of it anyway, what made me feel bad is how I felt loved by my friends. I never thought they'd be willing to give up so much for me.

THE WHOLE DAY WAS CANCELED. The party and all the fun stuff BFF was supposed to throw tomorrow is not gonna push through. All because I'm not coming "it wouldn't be the same without you", it's so cheesy, but I felt happy and guilty all at once, I never thought they'd cancel something so BIG, even BFF's mom said not to give it a go. I was moved by that, I'm so sorry for being such a party pooper. :(

Above all, I realized my friends are the best! They were all so concerned and eager to bail me out, haha! JP got plus points for comforting me too, I said sorry for getting him involved and he just told me to understand my parents, he said they're just concerned. Aw, I LOVE YOU FRIENDS!. I ruined almost everything, haha, badshot na college friends, pero it's okay, you just won a free membership to my fucked up life. HAHA. xD

It still feels weird though, my parents weren't strict at all, then it's like that all of a sudden. But naaaaah, I'm not a bad girl you know, it's just that I can't obey everything, especially when it's too stupid to take into account.

HappyHearts <3

2009-02-14T09:03:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES!
it sounds cheesy when I say it, haha xD
There should've been a pun intended, but i'm too sabaw to think of one. Geez, talk about a hangover.

My life hasn't been consistent these days. Tons of ups and downs, the fluctuation's making me dizzy. But I'm pretty glad to know that there are more likely things happening than unpleasant ones. I've been spending more time with friends outside the "green place", and it makes me feel good that I'm having a wild taste of freedom (no, my parents are not strict, i'm talking about limiting my good self. haha). Okay I'm trying not to be random, you might not find the needle in my haystack of words. haha xD

But to say it straight... I only have one problem, and it's a biggie. You know how I much I really don't like my course (I don't hate it, I just don't like it) and judging my not-so-prolific essay on finance as a qualifying exam, I'm gonna f'ing FAIL, usually my instincts are correct, and I don't know what to do if I don't pass, it'll take a full year before I could try to shift again. How depressing. :( I could keep your sympathy but I don't want to expect, false hopes are good for nothing.

STILL SOBER!
Haha. The BigBoys and Stine are so fun to be with :) I miss high school, back when I didn't know these Andrean boys. Haha, how ironic, we just became friends in college, when we all go to different univs already.

Haha. You gotta chill right after stressing yourself aight?

Random drama

2009-02-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

Being alone makes way for lunacy to take its grand entrance. Even the shortest while of solitude sets the red carpet for loneliness to hog the limelight. "You fought so hard to put yourself back together, then you fall and break all over again", I thought of it over and over, and everybody knows the point, it is after all conventional on so many levels. But it's different now, I didn't just hear the line from anybody, I heard it from myself, I came up with it, which made an eerie difference, and it struck like a secret conviction I committed and hid from myself. There is an enormous gap between being the listener and being the one who feels. Was I wrong for eradicating the past opportunities? Could it have been a better chance to enhance immunity? To pain? To rejection? I was always afraid. The tears I've shed lately could be counted, and I believed tears were meant for other people-- weaker people. But I feared too. And even though I barely shed emeralds of tears, or held myself back because my eyes were welling up, I was weak too. And you'll never know how.

"You always fall for the wrong person". Maybe I should stop telling this to everybody else, stop complaining about injustice. And start telling this to myself.

----------------------------
MAN! It's February! I've been kinda busy lately. And no-no. It's not just academic shit. I told you I've been going out a lot, I guess it's more fun expanding my real life social circle than staring at the monitor, surfing the net and playing online boy games. I had an abrupt thought which is merely a product of my laziness, but I have a feeling I'll be blogging a little less these upcoming days,months or whatever. Pretty hard to spill for a sorta-online geek like me. Anyway, I know a lot of you are bothered by the FEB14 fever. Yes yes, we all know it's a BIG special day for the lovebugs out there, but the bitterbugs (ouch I just insulted myself), see it differently, not that I'm against it, it's just that I don't care, I don't know, they're making a big deal out of it and I'm not gonna pat someone on the back to spill gory details about who did what and who on valentines day. I'm not looking for a Mr. Valentine. That would be pretty crappy.

THE SINGLE LADIES ARE SO ON
HAHAHA. Wanna join the club?

Glamorous

2009-01-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that I've been running out of words, or not just words, but ideas for an interesting blog content these days. Sadly, I have not formulated a logical plan of action to make this blog more pizazz-y. When you've got only few subjects in school and tons of free time to squander, all you do is go to places and run out of cold cash, up to the point where your CC's get declined (we nearly washed dishes for that, luckily back-up has never failed me). We're one lucky set of friends. I know its cheesy, but our Thursday bonding moments are monstrously epic! Even though we sometimes get exasperated by shit talkers. - Here goes the tendency to get all bitchy, but I'll pass. ha ha ha. I'm feeling all nicey-nice today. Thanks to the crappy movie we've watched. If you're planning to watch Haunting of Molly Hartley... don't. Nah, that was just an opinion, if you're all after the sight of hottie Chace Crawford, lemme be the one to say it's worth the time and greens. But Chace was not the one that made me ecstatic and nicey-nice (he is one of my Hollywood obsessions though). It was a fun day at Galleria, The cinema was far from occupied, so there were only around 15 people, and it was a horror movie. So just for fun, the four of us separated seats, we couldn't sit beside anybody- that was to scare ourselves, yea that was a dopey idea, but we lasted a quarter till the end of the movie. Was I lame for thinking that was fun? HA HA HA. Well geez, life is life. But I'm not done just yet. Let the consistency of your visual senses flow. There's more. (I guess I'm not running out of words after all).

--------------------------------------

No I am not on a vegetable starvation strike. Honestly, no matter how much I push myself, I can't. I couldn't go farther than no rice, junk and softdrinks, and the after six (I'm having a difficult time you know). But I am getting fond of veggies today. BECAUSE my relatives are literary critics. They are so conscious of the figure of the human body, and they consider a waistline of 28= extremely fat. I don't want any more of my titas comments. "What happened to you, you like a perfect circle" or somehow more indirect but the sense of ambiguity was lost anyway since the point was too obvious "When are you planning to go back to exercising?", I only go Muay Thai training once a week so I have to follow the strict diet plan and be stick skinny so as to please my diva relatives. Cool eh? \m/ Vegetable salad is delectable! - I love tomatoes, don't argue, we have different tastebuds. ha ha. Are you on a diet?? Let's go skinny. ha ha.

Have a break, have it at the mall.

2009-01-15T22:22:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or has everybody taken a mutual hiatus from blogging? I know school has invaded the sweet spirit of beautiful bliss, but loosen up, lighten the dark edges with the rainbow-colored chalks of catharsis. We all know studying is important BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH, but let's not fight the urges to have a life okay?

I'm lost for words. I'll leave this instead c:
Serendra (Conti's), Market!Market! (Timezone), we also took cheesy sticker pictures. It was around five years ago since I last did that. That was a crazy getaway. I totally ruined the diet (no rice, no dinner thing). SHANGHAI BITES, lasagna, an enormous slice of cake (i'm not kidding, it's huge), mocha frappe, 3 glasses of iced tea. I was struggling to tuck my stomach in, or else I'd look preggy in my dress.

-----

"The actors and the stories they live out on the big screen become our ticket to cheat our way out of telling the only story that does matter— ours. We seek peace from running away, but instead find ourselves, yet again, alone at night, unable to shake off the emeralds of fear that fall from our eyes." -On Every Visage, a Black Veil- Sir Conejos.

I have the hugest crush on my Literature prof. No it's not just because he's young, good-looking and incredibly rich (but it's that for the most part), it's because of his spectacular intelligence and parlance. You can count with your fingers the guys you'll meet who has this kind of critical mind, who writes in national papers (the one I quoted was just a small snippet from the actual article). Like c'mon, who wouldn't adore him?

Lastly, I'm taking PINGPONG for P.E. I know it's GAY, no kidding, I had no choice. It's like one big joke. Okay I exaggerated, it's actually Table Tennis, but it doesn't matter because it's gay just as well. Good thing the prof's a man of great patience. He wouldn't shout at you, not even when you accidentally hit pingpong balls out of the 7th floor window and lose them for good. (OKAY, I didn't tell him, but consider me not guilty. ha ha) XD

Let the stress begin

2009-01-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm back to class again. I've always hated meeting new profs. Of course some are cool, some are strict and some are just loo-loo. The variety makes me even sicker, and just speculating the grades they give make's my stomach churn. I need to shift, and if I don't, I am certainly not armed head to toe for any onslaught of sympathy. But despite the doom and gloom I've been unfortunately graced today, I still believe I'm starting the year right. My planner's colorful (yea, it doesn't have any connection to what I'm saying). I've heard in the news folks under the year of the monkey will have a lucky year. I only half-believe these things though, but you should've seen the look on my face, I was strangely delighted. Maybe because fortune stuff are interesting, but these astrology thingys are meant to hustle up my mind but not to overrule me entirely (grandmum is inlove with feng shui, I'll never forget how she pronounces it, "PUN SOY", and she's engulfed in old beliefs, she reprimands me for taking a bath when I have my period, gimme a break grandmum. -despite that, I still love her). So get the luck running chimps! I am gonna be one lucky monkey XD

Lemme just give a gist of everything from today.

♣ I've met 3 of my profs and they were steady. That's the only way to put it. The first was a hotchick, the second was a talkative freak-a-delic, the last was too soft-spoken. Their subjects were Political Science, Theology, and that subject where we're gonna be talking Rizal until our butts burn. - Definitely not my ideal kind of week-starter subjects.

♣ Odd combination of personalities. My new classmates are simply indescribable :|

♣ I was late in all of my classes, which resulted to having-to-sit-on-the-worst-seat-around. In one class, I had to sit at the backmost corner of the classroom where there was a large cabinet above my head. I can't even lean back, 'coz I hit my head everytime. It happened thrice this morning. What's worse is my seatmate has a scar on her face which she got from a burn or something, and she keeps peeling off skin from her face. I am not disgusted by stuff like this but it's just so strange O_O But the worst-est thing is I'm gonna have to sit on that chair forever (or just the 3rd term). That prof's got the crappy seat plan as a way of checking attendance. I hate him to bits.

So far.. the past few days of 2009 were well-spent and I was happy! Things unthinkable at the moment happen when you least expect it. Sometimes it's in the middle of a perfect cup of coffee when one of your hundred crushes reluctantly approaches you, pauses giving an awkward silence, words holding him back, and then it comes out "HI". Two letters that made me smile all the way up to my earlobes. For some only-God-knows-reason I've been bereft all-last-year-long. Like a sad, partnerless dance. I'm just glad too see the sun finally starting to shine on me again. Good Riddance 2008, Good riddance

Before I forget....

HAPPY 40th DAD
Don't worry, real life starts at forty ;)

I've got a brand new heart, with the same old heartbeat :)

2008-12-31T14:44:00.000-08:00

It's almost 2.0.0.9

This makes me ecstatic! The excitement is greater than the past pre-Christmas enthusiasm. And whether you like it or not, I'll have to tell why.

Every start of the year feels like a brand new lifetime to me. 2008 wasn't much of a great year. There was too much drama and misery loving my company, wrong paths, false hopes, regrets while living a solitary life on an emotional crisis. I prayed it all to pass away while people count in one voice as we turn to face another fruitful year. I want to start this right and differently.

Our holidays are almost over too
What did I do during Christmas Vacation?

♣ I trained less (which is quite ironic). I bet you don't know what kind of training. Ha ha. Well I'm a Muay Thai fighter. I know it's a guy thing but it's fun to get physical every once in a while. I've been doing it my whole life. I don't talk about it much but my close friends know

♣ The Magic Sing was ours for the taking! My big big weirdo family took turns on the microphone. We were hyperactive. You know, singing Like A Virgin to the beat of the wild midnight life, we stayed up until 2am beating each other up just to go next in line. We did that for 4 consecutive days which meant 4 bottles of wine from our bar.

♣ I partied quite a lot (and got drunk). It wasn't as fun as before. Guys didn't walk around the party room in bikinis unlike last year :(

♣ I was very bored most of the time and since my cousins from my mother's side are only a few blocks away, we spent the afternoons having a movie marathon, playing scrabble and pigging out mostly. We had unconventional sleepovers too, which was pretty awesome. We gave ourselves a hot oil. They slept on the floor by the way which was all too fun for me. At times I intentionally roll off the bed hoping to break their backbones.

♣ Most hours of the day I played Special Force. Another boy thing. It's my latest obsession. Very ironic since I hate wars. I hate soldiers too, people say they are heroes. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity, why can't people just live and let live and play SF, it's virtual and fun (non-violent).

♣ THE MALL - no need for words. You know how much I spend when I'm at the mall. Explains why I have two about-to-explode closets.

How did you spend your vacation?

All I want for Christmas is YOU

2008-12-24T09:35:00.000-08:00

WOW. Can you believe Christmas Eve is about to knock on our doorsteps in just a few more spins from the hands of the clock?- I couldn't. I didn't even feel the already-dissipating spirit. But I still bothered to write to Santa. I know it will just be another ungranted wish but I'm still taking my chances XD

A lot of things have happened since the unofficial start of my Christmas vacation (around the 16th). Oblation Run, Course Card Day (I got good grades except for lab where I got the lowest 2.0 because I flunked a lot of quizzes, I totally deserve it), I partied 'til I'm purple for consecutive days, got drunk, dirty danced, dyed my hair burgundy. I was insane and then lonely most of the time. I've been doing all the fun things enough to keep my enthusiasm running because I wanted to obfuscate my life a little bit. I'm starting to feel like I'm just riding a wild carousel. It has beautiful horses and captivating bright lights and decor around but you'll soon get tired of the scenic beauty, it just goes around in circles and nothing more. EEEEENNNNKKK, drama time's over. It's almost Christmas. Go get the adrenaline working outside and bond with the family. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE, spend the holidays well.

Such a happy and cold season. Just one more thing.

Thanks to Cutreenuh for this image

The fish said:
"You can't see my tears cause I'm in the water"

The water said:
"I can feel your tears cause you're in my heart"

LESSON?

Ewan di ko rin na-gets e.

Nako ang korni. Ha ha. Natawa naman ako :P

Oblation Run 2k8. That was hella FUN.

2008-12-16T22:29:00.000-08:00

This is grand. The most-awaited. This is the infamous oblation run of UPD.
In case some of you have queries about what the event is all about. Dig in.

The Oblation Run is an annual tradition of the members of the Alpha Phi Omega, one of the prominent U.P. fraternities. Members of the fraternity run around the campus naked (a concept known as streaking) to protest their sentiments about a current political or economic situation. The run started in 1977 to protest the banning of the movie, “Hubad na Bayani,” which depicted human rights abuses in the martial law era. Since then, the Oblation Run catapults the principle of the Oblation, which is the youth offering itself to the nation running through a gauntlet of humanity with a mask to cover their faces while their private parts are exposed. With only their faces covered, several APO members squeezed through hundreds of screaming heterosexuals and homosexuals to give red roses to chosen lady spectators.

Palma Hall, noontime, UPD (sorry if I'm a crappy killjoy for censoring the fun parts but this is not a pornsite. ha ha) Check other pics at my multiply (no censors).
Last time I remember, my friends and I were joking about going to the grand oblation run and experience the awkward feeling of being given roses by naked men. And the next minute we were there. Technically an inch apart from the nude runners :O

I was filled with mixed emotions when we got there two hours early. I was thinking a lot. I was excited, exuberant, then sad. There was a large room for gloom. ~~People~~.. a person.. who wasn't running around naked, but probably somewhere else around with clothes on. My ego keeps screaming He's here. I've been embracing his absence for so long. Reality dawns on me but I can't bear to wrap myself around the irony, that he's far away whenever I'm an inch apart from him. This gloomy countenance merely distracted me from joining the stray cheers and boisterous laughter of the crowd. Such a wrong moment to lose myself. We sat and ate, and then the melancholy was gone. A step back to happiness. It happens everytime I go to UPD.

And then I became excited again, the place was crowding up and I was sandwiched, pushed and pulled around. I'm not a UPD student, I'm a not-so-proud archer who thinks wala nito sa Lasalle which makes me more not-proud mostly because of our lack of jest and overly shown discretion. I'm not a pervert or anything. I'm just very fond of the way UP students express themselves. The event was not so radical and not much to pay homage to either. It was very... eloquent. I caught it on video. It's so clear (just a little twisty and turny because the media and other spectators pushed me and somehow I felt like a piñata). They gave me a good push though, I slid all the way to the front, the bad part was, I was skin to skin with... naked guys and you-know-what. I wasn't fulfilled though. My mystery runner was not caught clear on cam. Out of shock, I lowered my cam taping the floor and various feet while receiving the rose. Ha ha. I admit, I screamed a little because the words just won't come out but anyway my scream meant "Did he just give me a rose??. Nah doesn't matter, he's got an enormous belly (or not, I just guessed, I didn't see him clearly. It happened all too fast). I envy Karla, I read on her blog her mystery runner took his mask off and asked for her name. I was like WHOA. So anyway, I was just taking videos (for proof that I have been there?) ignoring the jocular girls begging for roses from the runners. With that colossal crowd I did not expect myself to be one of those chosen ladies given roses by only around 40 naked guys. So I was a bit startled and surprised. Edited: the video is in my multiply now :)

and of course it was us trios again. + Jules and Ate Hazel and Joy-ann.

And then I was interviewed by I don't know if it's a network or just students or w-ever on video how it feels to be there and be given a rose. I wanted to say (why do you guys make a big deal out of that), but I just said every conventional line they all say. But I'm not happy to gloat about that. I looked like crap. The odd concoction of body sweat of all the people plus mine. I'm not a very classy person but I hate being sweaty (and then being taken a video while being sweaty).

It was very FUN though. I enjoyed the almost-stampede. Ha ha.

Lastly, Thursday is COURSE CARD DAY. Wish me luck. Scratch that, for lab? Wish me a miracle.

P.S. I don't blog every Tuesday. It's pure coincidence.

Starbucks doubleshot... Bring on the day :)

2008-12-09T18:10:00.000-08:00

They call it vintage... I call it out of place
I was supposed to do a Christmas layout. It didn't turn out right. Completely wrong output. Is this really how I see Christmas?

Anyway, I am officially cutting down on PORK. It's neither strictly forbidden nor a diet thing, I just saw how pigs were slaughtered on TV and it was not nice. As much as I want to cut down on any cooked animal, I can't. You can't expect me to swallow an impressive array of raw things on rice rectangles all Christmas. It's not the Lenten season (I don't fast anyway, the soul is willing, the body is weak). Uggh, I don't wanna bicker more about cooked animals. *hindering.... mental.... images...*

So... I just want to keep myself occupied although I hate being busy (how ironic). And I am now. FINALS- the magic word. There's no point in ranting about shitty trimestral systems. I am just a crammer, guilty-as-charged. As much as I'd like to refer to myself as a laidback damsel in distress (I have a slight taste for the classics and a very big head), I can't help worrying about my final projects which I know I should've done earlier but self-control is not on the same page as I am this time. Malls and pocket-burning agendas with my all-too-fun extrovert-o friends are my guilty pleasures, temptations I simply cannot resist :|

So here I am now, I am definitely not laidback, not a damsel, just pure distress. I'm a prune if you'd like to ask. And with all these hardships I would like to thank the breathtaking, mouthwatering aroma of coffee. Such sweet bliss.

I already have two Starbucks planners as of now and the promo's until January 6. Right now it just feels like an odd mixture of caffeine and tension crawling inside my veins. Imagine the endless drinking of macchiato and frappe and hot drinks, holiday bittersweets Dark Cherry Mocha, Toffee Nut Latte, and Praline Mocha which I bloody forced myself to order for the sake of the stickers. (BFF also forced me to buy the holiday drinks to fill her promo card faster, and I as a considerate friend used her promo card so she could get her planner fast). After all, if I get three planners by now, what would I do with them simultaneously? It's amusing though, I'm not yet sick of it. I ate Italian Pocket for breakfast for 2 straight weeks and I go there twice a day that the baristas don't need to ask for my name since prune-face goes there everyday to drink coffee and check out the cute barista (I tried to be inconspicuous but I'm a failure). It's so comfy for me to be there. It's like I'm a little kid and that's my playground (where I saw another kid selling coffee and I fell inlove with him). Okay I know I'm talking about coffee and there's no reason to be cheezy about it. Apparently, I'm not here to gloat how I can manage to buy expensive coffee twice a day but to impart with you guys a little insight you need to horrific-ly discern since Christmas is coming. When I was in high school, I felt all ostentatiously richy-rich just because I get to drink Starbucks, but no-no, not just because you do that doesn't mean you're rich. I'm proud to broadcast that because of this peculiar addiction to coffee I'm broke with no savings and all-f*cked up credit limits. So you see boys and girls, just settle for Nescafe if you don't want to be money-less like me. And I think that's what I'll do for now. To save the world from the increasing growth of poverty. Oh heck, all those blabbery stuff I said just because I want to (dramatically) take a break from expensive coffee of any sort (This has to be dramatic, I have a crush on that barista). Plus + Christmas is coming, I already have godkids and I can't handle all these things perforating my wallet.

And oh, I'm having a hard time deciding whether to give the other planner to him or friend or other friend. I don't know why the planner means so much to you guys. Just gulp 16 cups of various coffee, so you can't sleep and you'll be unhealthy and increase your blood sugar and kill yourself and you'll get the planner.

And and and and! I wanna thank my blockmates who gave and are going to give me books for Christmas!! You guys know books are my only kind of boring fun so just bear with the geek-y diva here.

Lastly, I am done with my wishlist.
1. Unconditional Love
2. Peace on Earth

I know you guys don't believe me. I've gotten feedbacks already like, "what joke are you up to now Maye? Ha Ha Ha" or "yah right". I know it's cheezy and so-not-me, but don't bother to argue, the possibilities are endless. Ha ha. I'm seriously serious here :P

Just ride along, I'm just too happy to think about material things. I know, I hope you don't mind my mood swings. It's not the usual PMS, so you're definitely not reading my hormones. It's just me :P

'Tis the season to be jolly... tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

2008-12-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

That was a lame intro. But anyway, Christmas day's coming 23 days from now and it just gives me the jittery feeling of excitement I thought I would not be feeling because the spirit only comes to me superficially (until now). But I'm glad there's a little that got through me anyway. :D

I'm a little exasperated realizing I didn't get to help decorating the Christmas tree this year. Every year, it's my job to give the tree some pizazz and a Christmas-y finish for as long as I can remember. This year just turned out different. How odd. And its unfulfilling that they still made it look good without my help.

Anyway, I've been hopping around blogs and seeing people posting their lengthy and high-above-the-stars wishlists. I've thought reluctantly about having one of my own but as I sat down to draft it, .......... BLANK. This year I don't want anymore material things. I realized I've been given so much lavishly. I am such a diva. So for a change... this time they're non-material. The first one's for myself. No money involved of course, it's simple, but possibly very hard to attain. I've wished for it for nearly 2 years now along with my material wishes (this time it comes with no pair wish). The next one's far from being selfish. This I don't want to have for myself. I'm wishing for a drastic change on behalf of a massive crowd. I didn't sell it out specifically. I'm keeping my wishes for myself engulfed in the belief that it would increase the chances of having them come to reality. To be honest, I'm fed up. But I'm regaining my withered hopes from wishing on stars and Jinny Joes. I think the wish analyzer failed to catch my wishes. :(

I just want a different Christmas this year. A brighter and better one :)

Robert Pattinson.... <3

2008-11-26T22:53:00.000-08:00

It's the second time I posted this picture in my blog and I still feel gleeful everytime I see it.
Okay I know it's late, but I'm just excited to give a comment about Twilight! on the day it was shown. I used the word comment and not critique because I know there are already a lot of cascading reviews from pioneer writers and bloggers who squandered all their efforts to give constructive criticism, but as for me, well... I think it's OKAY. It was exactly how I envisioned it (not to mention the characters except Edward and Laurent!), I didn't expect Robert as Edward. It was hard to see everybody's perfect dream boyfriend being narrowed down into one person. I was disappointed at first because he was not the Edward my playful mind imagined, but it turned out, Robert was somehow meant for the role anyway. And I liked liked liked him in the movie. It was a great movie. Not a disappointment really, I enjoyed it, and I have to say, Robert and Kristen do have chemistry! I realized my true dream when I watched Twilight. It's a big dream. I'm going to marry Robert Pattinson and I'm gonna have his babies and nobody's gonna stop me. - That was very pervy of me. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. Okay not funny. But really, I kept on mentioning that to my friends during the film. And I was serious, but now I just feel ridiculous and pathetic for even thinking. HAHA. So to sum it all up 'coz I'm in a big hurry and I'm really sleepy. IT WAS GOOD AND DEFINITELY WORTH IT!

But then again, that was just my personal opinion. I've heard a lot of complaints from people who were not quite satisfied since a book coming to life always meant cutting some parts from the original text and the movie just seems shorter than expected (a euphemesism for unfulfilling). But I don't know, I was satisfied with what I've seen. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with my shallow convulsion of enthusiasm.

Mediocrity

2008-11-24T18:20:00.000-08:00

I woke up yesterday and I have grown strangely irritable. What the fffff is bothering me?

Anyway, I have been through loads of so-so activities and I just found myself lying oblivious to my world of nothingness. Surely, I should not let myself be corrupted by misery- being happy with misery is not an option!

Oooh can you believe it? And I thought I would have the freakshow schedule next term! I'm glad. I have to admit this is not-so-bad compared to what I have at present. I'm doing steady in academics though (except LAB), the sight of my midterm grade was a straight punch direct to my ribs. It was devastating. I need to worry about shifting because of the stupid lab. And I thought I was doing so well. Burst the bubble airhead, you need to do more studying, and less partying (as if I've been to any parties these days with these stressful papers piled up in front of me). But I can still manage to squeeze the word "FUN"! Me and my friends reserved tickets at Greenbelt for Twilight! We envisioned malls overflowing with avid fans in their cheezy Twilight statement shirts and we don't wanna disappoint ourselves ending up not having tickets and all of them ahead of us, so tune in because I'd probably be writing the 3742374923rd review about the movie you'd see on the internet.
------------------------------------------------

Dear you-don't-know-who-you-are but I might as well write this to you anyway,

I don't know why I was so pissed yesterday, but today... I sure do :|
I thought I'm feeling better now. I'm taking a boy-less diet, I've been on it for more-than-a-year-upon-a-time-ago and a boy-less diet = a hiatus from heartbreaks equals an emotionally healthy me. But the person I'm doing all this for wouldn't even bother (ehem), I wanna send my love to the most inconsiderate, tasteless asshole of a friend. I-sooooo-LoveYou always will, until the day after the end of time.

P.S. You are an idiot! You're one of my closest boy- friends and you're the most tasteless of all tastless-es!

P.P.S. You are not included in the diet. You are the veggie, the only exception.

P.P.P.S. I'm still not over you.

Love,
~~The freak-who's-always-there-but-you-rejected~~.
The Bestfriend who loves you so much.

Nothing feels right when I'm not with you

2008-11-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

These past few days were fun (that's the best description I could give). I abhor myself for having all the kick-ass entertainment and still have the guts to get bored. Life's got to give me more than one gulp money-draining getaways and pigging out with my friends. It kinda makes me miss my High School friends, those half-goody-goodies can be real mess ups sometimes. I bet they're going ape shit whenever I miss a little get-together. I wouldn't say I'm busy because I have moderate number of units and loads of free time :) But due to the oppression brought about by money and credit limits (you know money makes the world go shenanigans), I spent most of my ~~precious~~ PETTY time seeking the flimsy sight of videos on YouTube and waiting for the next episodes of Hooking Up because I'm not only obsessed with Jake Cuenca but KevJumba too. HA HA HA. Maybe I should change my blog URL from vain-aholic to jake-aholic or kev-aholic. OKAY, stop the babbling. I am one celebrity-crazy lunatic. And I can't believe I'm choosing my virtual pleasure over friends. Geez, some asshole friend I am.

So, umm. Embarrassing as it is. BFF rolled down Sunken Garden- literally!
So anyway, let's get on with it. Yesterday was in the top 10 list of the happiest days of my life. Well I guess so, even though I can't really name the other 9 if you'll ask me to state everything. It was a blast! I guess I just got overexcited that we went University Hopping, not exactly because we only lurked around UST and UP Diliman. I loved UP! It was state-of-the-art nation (at least that's how I saw it). Okay fine, DLSU was my dream school and I totally regret that I didn't take a test in other schools. I had fun! Well whaddya expect it was my first time in UP and I was a sheer alien. But then my happiness ended when I just remembered I don't know how to go home (I was supposed to go to Makati which is my 2nd home). HA HA HA! Boohoo for me. So I owe Ate Hazel (ILOVEYOU so much cousin) and most especially Paul! BIGtime! Yepyep, if you're a significant person in my perplexing and boring life you'd know the two of them. Paul got me company and a nifty ride (Clar's car- have to thank her too). Paul's the man. But we had to walk a little and ride the jeepney because Clar can't drop us right at our places. Can't believe we went down the jeepney at Walter Mart just because I needed to pee. HA HA HA. Okay, he's a true friend for accompanying me. It was awkward. REAL awkward. But anyway, I had fun even when I dropped off the gym because dad didn't say a thing about my appearing late at night and I didn't tell that I was miles away (his fatherly attempts to be a great dad's deteriorating) and mom only went ape shit because I half-missed my Muay Thai training because she says I'm fat and I need exercise. Saying I'm fat is her strongest incentive so don't think I am an overweight loser. Okay, I badly want to share something (because I'm a hopeless romantic) but I feared he would read it. So puke puke, gag gag, vomit vomit. I take that back. :P

"I once thought of writing a book about my thoughts, but I feared that whoever read it might fall inlove with you" - Ber (gm)

Life Under Construction

2008-11-10T13:02:00.000-08:00

I am so-NOT feeling the Christmas spirit, I find it sad and indecipherable.
During the past few years, shining and raging Christmas lights are wound up around houses loquaciously and Christmas trees are tremendous with its decorations - all at the start of the first -ber month. But now, we only have a month to go, yet the streets are still dull with the dim lights of this supposedly bright season.

So anyway, I'm going through abrupt drastic changes - NOT. I'll state my life update in bullets because I'm feeling so profoundly random.

♥ After how many months of relentless ranting in and out of my blog, I finally have an iPod Touch :) - Well, December's taking too long and I am not a very patient person :)) I've always said before that I won't need a ~~heaven~~ Hollywood-sent prince charming as long as I have an iTouch. -- Okay, we'll see if I was telling the truth. Haha.

♥ I've decided to give myself an ambush makeover. (?) But that won't happen until who-knows-when, I just thought I might need to take into account my dying ego and growing loss of integrity. Anyway, what I mean is, a little physical improving and more emotional or whatever. --I am lost for words :|

♥ I'm not happy with my course anymore. How terrible. I can't wait to shift (I thought about it deliberately). I'm not enjoying my current subjects that I just wanna cut cut cut, drop drop drop. -- NOT. I don't wanna be a bum, so I better not think about it.

♥ My obsession over Jake Cuenca has receded - NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT. You should've seen me watching Banana Split last Saturday. I was jumping and tossing myself up and down, rolling on the couch - I exaggerated it, but close enough. I'm all over Jake. *hyperventilates*

Geez. My life needs renovation. But I think I'm already happy now. How gnarly :)

Trick or Treat. Smell my feet. Give me something good to eat.

2008-11-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

Too late for that. The candy giving is due already. It's already the 2nd day of the spooktastic month. I'm just wondering how it feels to go trick or treating, it's just that I've never experienced dressing up like a little nifty ghost playing scary for the sweet tooth's sake - ever. If I try to do that now or the next years to come, I'd look pathetically absurd. Okay, enough procrastinating. A GLOOMY All Souls' Day to all our departed loved ones.

Btw, our little halloween treat in our journalism class was not a real halloween thing at all. Not all costumes were scary, and look at us! I think we played the cast of I love Betty La Fea? I'm not sure though. :))

Oooh.. One month to go and we'll be celebrating yet another wonderful holiday. But what I truly want this year is a White Christmas and I surely won't get that if I stay in the country next month. What are the odds? If we'd take off next month we'd probably just be lurching around another snow-less country. The countries that offer an icy Christmas are awfully expensive. Not very budget-friendly. I'd still choose my lavish material wants over one icy trip. I'd settle for the ice skating rink at MOA, there's artificial snow in there, or maybe ICeWorld at Star City. -- Look, I'm desperate!

I'm formulating my wishlist for this Christmas (although it's sad that I'm not exactly feeling the Christmas spirit) and I ended up being materialistic again. I already have all the gadgety things I yearned for because I threw tantrums the time they refused. HAHA. If you're a close friend, then you won't react anymore. Anyway, I'm just all over two things. - iTouch, car, iTouch, car. But the car's too heavy so I'm not expecting it until early next year, and the iTouch, I'll work on it before the 25th hits. That was very diabolical. But you know how it goes. Desperate times call for desperate measures. :|

Happily NEVER After :(

2008-10-30T20:49:00.000-07:00

I just went on a fairytale marathon and I think I dawned on it too much.
Maaaaan, I really am a kid at heart.

People don't carry that sentimental attachment to fairytales when they grow up. Sometimes the intimacy is still there, but its distance to reality is barely quantitative. It's truly devastating when you attempt to make your own magical story and contend that “Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale”. I believed that when I once had the enthusiastic heart capable of too much compassion. But today, I don't feel like dwelling on my own life's enchantments. There aren't too many, I realized well-enough, and I'm half-convinced that life is not nearly as charming as a fictitious jumble of love and magic. Villainy is far more worse, and love is miles more complicated.

Just to make things clear (let alone my being silly), this was not given to me by anyone. I wrote that, idea coming from a friend's ex. Sweet isn't it?

Another unfinished fairytale. But who cares, you can attempt to make a hundred more fairytales. Most will probably be a failure but one of them's ought to be carrying the promising happily ever after.

Liz, Marj, and I. So we had this BFF thing called the last one goes ugly. And you probably get the point. I must find my hunky prince charming soon. I don't wanna be the last. HAHA :)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh and BTW, I wanna thank Emman for his touching compliments for my blog. I really appreciated it duende!

* The inspiring blog was owned by a friend of mine, I didn’t realize she was that deep, beyond her well made layout is a pool of insightful and deep philosophical views of what she sees in her life, I didn’t know she was that deep. Striking quotes, random stories, interesting facts and inspiring posts spewed from her blog. One of the posts that struck me the most is this one:

“God gave us serenity to accept the things we cannot change.“

From it I drew strength whenever I’m down, being so true to life, I made it somewhat of a mantra. Never had I expected that she would say something that will leave me speechless. This blog was owned by my friend Maye.

Don't break, take it easy.

2008-10-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

Apart from the occasional fidgeting, everything is flowing smoothly.
I guess my old trivial luck's preparing for a dramatic comeback.

Yup, fairly dramatic. Our family's bumping into tribulations right now. There's a certain unnatural death caused by an unbelievably certain someone (a perplexing instance I'm not allowed to talk about) and there are also problems in our other house because the fat villain strikes again. The whole neighborhood gathered around causing a major commotion. And of course the cops took our side, I most certainly believed my parents were the good guys. The daughter of the fat villain disowned her own mother because of her unreasonable cruelty and selfishness. Anyway, she just wants money. Who doesn't? But it's not tolerable anymore, she's abusive and always throwing back the blame to others. But anyway, there's always a way to deduce things. I didn't even panic, with such problems especially about the unexpected loss of someone's life, of course I did get nervous. I got startled but I got my way out of almost having an abrupt nervous breakdown. It all happened so fast... simultaneously. It took so much to recover.

But after all the hell weeks I've gone through, I learned to be strong. Always the laidback damsel in distress.

While all of those things were happening, would you believe I was in Glorietta, watching High School Musical 3 with my friends? I was having fun. You really can't drown yourself with problems all the time. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break and take the chill pill. Imagine I even had another memorable moment to reminisce, it lingered. It just did. I never believed I could be both so happy and lonely all at once.

SHORT INTERVAL: A COMMENT ABOUT HSM3: SPECTACULAR! ABSOLUTELY THE BEST.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIP
No commitments involved, you're uncertain on your role to his life. You can't expect him to be always there for you. You can't demand. You can't be jealous, there is no "US".. there's only "YOU" and "ME". You can't be sure of his feelings for you and makes you wonder where you are in the relationship or if there is a relationship at all. But why do others still settle for this kind of relationship? For fun, just to have company while finding the real thing? Maybe... But if one gets cold, then that's the end of everything. The relationship is false but surely, the pain is real. You will be miserable hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out he has another PSEUDO-RELATIONSHIP with somebody else.

:((

Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.

2008-10-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

Erase ~~Ed Westwick~~ and let Chace Crawford fill the spotlight.
Sorry. My fickleness attacked. :|

---------------
Life starts to get boring when one morning you wake up and everything you want is on the palm of your hands.

My teachers/professors often snag themselves away from being mundane educators by ticking their students off with their seemingly crazy activities. Sometimes they make you think of songs that would reflect yourself best. I often ended up with something complex enough to make myself sound sophisticated when in fact, I chose them for the sake of a sense of creativity, or in other words high grades. There just aren't enough songs to describe each and everyone of us, or maybe it's just me. But if you really want me to give you a song about myself. Okay then.
When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies
It's such a conventional diva line. But who doesn't? Everybody wants to be famous. It's a part of one's vain and ambitious self. Nobody wants to lose the early charm and sink into oblivion. Admit it or not. It's not really everybody, but majority=everybody, or so I think. :|

It's not bad to dream right? They say dreaming is free. And I say, tuck yourselves out of the old cliche and take a leap of action. Don't just wish on a star, reach for it. Sometimes it's difficult to chase your own very-well formulated dreams, especially when you treat your parents like your personal Auto Teller Machines who give you bucks to squander. They would always be there to buy your dreams for you. Then all of a sudden they think you're old enough to start the independence thing. And you show them a totally slow recuperation process. Yes, that's how it works for me. But I'm not really all into that small gadgety things anymore. I take refuge under half-satisfaction. Yup, only half-satisfied, since when you're raised under the influence of wealth and parental spoiling issues, yet forced to enhance humility as well. It's just not-that-easy to be satisfied. So I, I dream BIG. I dream more like a Broadway production, or a Hollywood type. whatever works best.

So...... what are your dreams?

Gossiping around

2008-10-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

While others are bumming around enjoying their sembreaks. I'm still having the time of my life wrestling treacherous schoolwork. I am indeed one of those who hate the trimestral thingy. I've been blog-hopping and they're sharing all the fun they're having from finally meeting the sigh of relief they needed since they started college life. Some are just messing around at home watching the hippy-chickflick choices. I don't even get to do that.

Which means I'm not really cascading along with the Gossip Girl trend but if I were to choose who among the guys would give me that stunned look. I would have to say Ed Westwick.

He makes girls' hearts throb wildly with all his features. Some even get severe psychotic breaks from daydreaming of him too much. I just noticed my friends. BFF Liz was the one who introduced me to him (virtually). And then I noticed the Ed Westwick hotness meter climbing at its peak when almost all of the girls I know started to get obsessed with him. I do think he's got the looks and everything though. But he can't reach the trigger of my hyperventilate switch, a reaction which girls are mostly capable of commonly referred to as female hysteria. Only Jake Cuenca makes me do that. HAHA. Okay that was embarrassing. But I seriously love love love the guy. I've got celebrity-obsessing issues.

---------------
And oh BY THE WAY.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!
My mom's reached her 42nd but she's still as beautiful as a newly-wed momma. Okay- I so deserve the newest generation of iPod touch for that compliment.
Well, if I have the time today, I'll buy her a gift. Any suggestions what I could give her? I suck at this. I also have gift-giving issues. I want to get her something of real worth though. And it could probably screw my savings. So iPod touch, I'll have to delay your purchase. T_T